Thanks, Dad

I had a new experience yesterday - I took a friend's teenage daughter out in my car to practice driving. She has her learner's permit and her mother had no qualms about sending her out with me, so I figured it would be cake. I knew to force myself to be calm and to try not to barrage her with technical information.

She did a great job for only having driven on the road once before - which I didn't know until after we returned home.

I think I learned more in that 20 minutes than she did. She may have learned that she needs to pick her speed up quicker when she gets around a corner and that it's possible to put on your turn signal too early but I learned that there are some situations in which you can't even fake yourself into believing that you have any control.

She says it well

When talking about the first year of having Kevin with us, I often say something like, "I knew it would be hard but I didn't know how much I would hate how hard it was."

This is a paragraph from a long article on msn.com (reprinted from Redbook magazine.) I love the last sentence.

Quote from Jen Nickel, adoptive mother:

To help get the boys ready, we made a video of ourselves showing them our home and things like the table where we'd eat — with places set for them. Then we spent a week in Missouri getting to know them. They'd been with their foster mom for three years; even though she'd prepared them well, their first year with us wasn't easy. Greg had a breakdown in a restaurant, crying that we'd stolen him. It took Eric longer to show his grief, but he was processing a lot of pain, too. We loved the idea of our kids even before we were matched with them, but loving the reality of your children — that's a process, one that's both wonderful and hard.

Leaf Wars

 
 

Embarrassing, but could've been worse

At the doctor's office today....

Doc: What brings you here today?
Me: My ear is bothering me. I have a cold, otherwise, but that in itself isn't a problem.
Doc: Does your ear hurt?
Me: No. It feels and sounds like there is fluid in there. It's bothered me since August but seems worse right now so I thought it might be from my cold.

[usual round of "do you feel dizzy," "what medications are you taking," "does anything make it feel better or worse," etc.]

Doc: Let's take a look. Hmm... I think we can take care of this easily.
Me: Why, what is it?
Doc: Wax.
Me: (inside my head) Ewww! I'm disgusting!
Doc: Do you use Q-tips?
Me: Yes, every day.
Doc: You shouldn't. They push wax farther into your ear canal.
Me: Eww, I have that much wax in my ear??
Doc: Let me get a nurse and we'll clean it out.

Public Service Announcement #1
Did you know that instead of the bulb syringes they used when we were kids they now have a contraption that hooks up to the faucet, has a long tube and a trigger on it? Don't be scared, though, it feels very much like the bulb syringe.

Doc: (speaking to the nurse while both are peering into the cup under my ear) Do you know what that is?
Nurse: I have no idea what that is.
Me: (inside my head) Oh my word, what the heck is it? Something worse than wax? A bug?
Doc: That's the fuzz from a Q-tip.
Me: Phew!
Doc: Remember what I said about Q-tips?
Me: Right, don't use them inside my ear!

Public Service Announcement #2
When people tell you not to put anything inside your ear canal, don't laugh them off as not knowing what they're talking about because cotton swabs have never caused you any problems. They can and they will.

Guatemalan Adoptions

Sally asked in a comment on a previous post whether there's something that people can do to help the situation regarding adoptions to the U.S. from Guatemala ending in the near future.

There is so much news on this situation and it changes daily so I've been hesitant to say much, but it certainly won't hurt to bring it up.

There was a recent campaign of emails, letters and calls to various representatives and organizations to "grandfather" current cases of children who have been referred to families in the U.S. even if their cases don't complete by the cutoff date of January 1, 2008 (that's effectively Dec 1, 2007, as the Guatemalan government shuts down for almost a month around the Christmas holiday.) The campaign was successful in helping those with power see that they need to enact legislation to grandfather existing cases. Nothing has been made official yet, though.

In the bigger crisis of all adoptions from Guatemala to the U.S. ending, progress is being made as well. Granted, this all needs to be noted in the context of a history of rules, laws and constitutional amendments changing faster and more often than one usually expects, so nothing is set in stone until it is set in stone. Even then, there's no guarantee that 6 months from any point in time, things won't change. However, there is a positive statement issued from the Joint Council on International Children's Services which states:

We can now report that members of the Guatemalan Congress, including numerous party chiefs, have submitted a new legislative proposal which;

-includes a strong `grandfather' clause,
-designates April 30 2008 as the effective implementation date of the Convention,
-allocates $5 million Quetzales ($650,000 USD) for the creation of the Central Authority,
-allocates a percentage of the total government budget for child welfare services,
-creates a new government entity to act as the Central Authority in Guatemala,
-provides for private non-profit accredited entities to provide services to children,
-allows single potential adoptive parents to apply for adoption,and
-creates a functional process by which children can find a permanent, safe and loving family

This is very positive news. I don't know of any particular way in which people can offer assistance through emails, letters or phone calls at the moment but I will try to include such information as it arises in the future.

School picture

 

The school portrait flyer suggested the kids dress in bright colors but I didn't need to mention that to Kevin as he had his plan already worked out.

The same day he had pictures taken at school, he also had them taken at his before/after care place. Andy saw the background and said that it was a fall scene with leaves and other earthy tones. I doubt we'll want to buy those.

Amen

Washington Post editorial on the status of adoptions from Guatemala to the U.S.

Slamming the Door on Adoption

Sleepless in Ellicott City

My allergies have been bad for the past month or so and I have gotten tired of just taking Mucinex so I took 2 Benadryl the other night. When I take decongestants I can't sleep, but I've never had a problem with antihistamines - until this time.

About 1 1/2 hours after I went to sleep, I woke up. I couldn't get comfortable and as soon as I fell asleep again, I woke up. I'm sure it felt like less time than it actually was, but it was typical of how I feel when I can't sleep because of decongestants or caffeine. The restlessness continued until about 2:30 and I don't remember much after that so I must have slept better.

The next evening I apologized to Andy for keeping him awake with my restlessness (he's a light sleeper) and he looked at me kind of weird. Then I said, "I was so restless, I'm surprised I reacted that way to the Benadryl - I mean, I took two!"

He laughed and said, "Welllll.... do you remember anything about waking up? Like maybe, this feeling?" and then he pushed me in the arm. Of course I didn't know what he was talking about - I just knew I kept waking up feeling uncomfortable and having to roll over.

Apparently, taking 2 Benadryl makes me sleep so well that I snore. And my snoring keeps Andy awake. So Andy was rolling me around trying to get me to stop snoring and that is what woke me up - not the medicine. At least, not directly.

Trick or Treat

Happy Halloween!

 

This is Kevin with his kindergarten teacher during their Halloween party. I was afraid the other parents would think that Kevin's "Relief Worker" costume is part of an agenda by his parents, but the comments that I received were quite positive, both because of the idea itself and because of how easy it looked to prepare (which it was!)

New 'do

This is not the most flattering picture of me or my hair but I have an ultimate (frisbee) game to get to so I don't have time to properly fix either. So, here is my new hairdo. I hope that the recipient of my hair gets some good use out of it and feels better about him/herself for it.

 

And yes, I do intend to refrain from highlighting the scar on my forehead the next time I style my hair.

I was right

I was right. I love my computer.

I installed a second hard drive and additional memory last night. I went from a single 40GB drive to a 40GB drive plus a 160GB drive and from 512MB of RAM to 2.5GB of RAM.

Yes, I've gone off the deep end. But it sure is fast in here.

No award for this, but recognition

My grandmother celebrated her 103rd birthday last week. She is now officially the oldest resident in her community. I feel that my parents have seen a lot in their lives and that I have, to some extent (I remember the first Apple computer! :-) But think about what life was like when Grandma was born in 1904... she's seen more than I can imagine!

Growing up I never appreciated this grandmother very much. She wasn't as warm and nurturing as my other grandmother. But as I got older (and wiser, I hope) I came to realize how amazing she is.

My grandmother worked full-time. She was a teacher, but she kept teaching even after she had kids. She hired a nanny to take care of my dad and his sister. Speaking of the kids, my grandmother had her first child at age 34. Her second, my dad, was born when she was 40. That's not an oddity now, but it was rare to start having children so late back then. I'd say it was because her husband was younger than she, but Pop-pop wasn't that much younger - just enough to buck the stereotype.

I remember thinking that my grandparents were SO OLD back when we'd get together for holiday meals and I'd see my grandmother carrying the huge Thanksgiving turkey on a silver platter. I always expected to see her rickety legs fold beneath her and the turkey roll away, dragging her behind it. That was 25 years ago - I had nothing to worry about as she was still a spring chicken.

Bye bye

On Halloween, I'm donating my hair. It's been too long for too long.

 
 

Beautiful Fall Day

THIS is what a fall day should be like - a visit to the farm with the sun warm but not hot with red, yellow and orange leaves floating on the breeze.

 
A chainsaw carving at the entrance of the Red Barn

 
Kevin picking out the perfect gourd

 
Kevin in the hay maze

 
A llama nearing my too-close-for-comfort zone



My two pumpkin faces

Anticipating computer love

My computer has some problems. Take, for instance, that last sentence. I made a mistake and had to backspace and re-type the end of the sentence and the computer couldn't keep up with me. I was typing blind. Not a problem, but quite an annoyance. And that's just a simple example. It also disk thrashes so much that I have to reboot it regularly or it will come to a screeching halt entirely.

I'm not one who likes to tinker with things and build my own computers but my officemate has convinced me that I can install a second hard-drive (the first one is almost full and is likely causing most of the problems) and additional memory (you can never go wrong with more memory and with a full disk I'm sure the half a meg I have now doesn't go very far.)

My officemate always waits with much excitement (well, as much excitement as he ever seems to muster) for packages from newegg.com to arrive and now I understand why.

Now that I've placed my order, each bit of lag only makes me that much more annoyed because I know HELP IS ON THE WAY! And I suspect I'll love my computer after it arrives. Please, newegg - please ship it today!

From a journal

I don't journal often but this morning I found this excerpt from 2002:

My feet are stuck because I'm afraid to move forward alone, mostly because I have only questions with no answers, so I don't even know where to go. But, I can't return to the "comforts" of my God from the past few years, because my mind has moved beyond that point and the comforts of having answers, disciplines, succinct theories and a body of friends who believe the same things are no longer comforting and can no longer satisfy me. I'm stuck - as if I'm on that stairway to cross the Potomac River into Harper's Ferry - too afraid to move up or down because any change in balance causes a wave of nausea and vertigo - thoughts of plunging to the ground far away - falling through the sky, the unknown, only to be smacked by the very real, very solid rocks below. Is God there in the rocks, waiting to smack me because I let go? or because I went up the stairs in the first place? Is God in the unknown, the sky, a feeling of exhilaration due to fear and fun all at once? Do I need to wear a safety harness?

All of these questions have answers in my old paradigm, but I've jumped ship and even if I jumped back on board, I would not stop hearing the call of the sea to jump back in. My arms need to pull, my feet need to kick, my lungs need to expand with breath to hold me afloat.

Do I end this time with prayer? That seems hypocritical. Or is it just faithfulness at a time when true faith really shines... at a time when there is no answer? Is my desire for prayer due to habit or true yearning for my creator? Have I been created by anything more than Contingency, Law and Deep Time? I think that I hope so.

An open mind

Our church installed a labyrinth this year and dedicated it to our founding pastor and his family. It's purpose is to provide a meditative/contemplative exercise to the user. I've never used a labyrinth and I've never learned much about them except for hearing one person's experience with it.

This morning I visited the labyrinth. I am glad that I haven't read much about them because each idea I had for how to do it was new and my own (rather, from God.) Here's how it went...

I prayed before stepping onto the paver stones that I would be able to clearly hear God if He had anything to say to me. That's it. I had no lofty expectations or goals for my time in the labyrinth. I stepped onto the bricks and prayed again, clearing my mind and asking only to have my thoughts be God's thoughts.

I walked in sets of 10 steps. After each 10 steps, I paused. I did my best not to find words to offer up thanks to God for the birds that were singing their praises in the fields around me or for the tickling breeze on my bare skin or for the happy, fluffy clouds in the sky as I looked up to feel God's face gazing on mine. I felt thankful but did not clutter my mind by putting words to my feelings.

Each time my stomach leapt because I thought I'd walked on the wrong path (hard to do when there's only one, but the path is separated from its own curves by just a row of different colored pavers) I immediately told myself it didn't matter even if I was on the wrong path and to let it go.

As I neared the center, I felt the urge to take off my shoes and socks to stand barefoot directly on the stones. I thought that was a little weird, especially since I knew people in the parking lot could see me as they arrived for the bible study group I was about to attend. Then I realized God was telling me not to be embarrassed and to just do it, so I did. I stood barefoot in the center for a minute or two, then picked my shoes up and walked slowly but continuously out the path, feeling the cold stone and the occasional piece of gravel digging into the soles of my feet.

I had no earth-shattering experience while in the labyrinth, but I did feel extremely at peace and completely open to hearing Him, which was my only hope for the exercise.

I plan to try it again sometime soon.

Farm Tough

On Friday, I went to Sears to pick up Andy's chainsaw that was in for repair. That model had been recalled so they gave us a replacement. Unfortunately for them, they no longer make a comparable chainsaw, so they had to give us a Husqvarna 455 Rancher model - 20" bar, 56cc engine, commercial-grade.

I almost had to sleep in the guest bed Friday night so that Andy had room for his new chainsaw in our bed.

 

Missed an important anniversary!

With all that's going on around us, we completely flaked on the anniversary of Kevin becoming part of our family. It was on October 2, 2004, that we first met him (and he us) and it was on October 6, 2004, that he first stepped foot into our (and his new) home.

He started out as a quiet and shy kid, overwhelmed by his new experiences. Three years later, he's now 5 1/2 years old and a popular, although not precocious, member of the kindergarten class at our local elementary school.

We'll have to come up with some way to commemorate the missed anniversary. I'm guessing we'll eat out at a restaurant not because that's how everyone seems to celebrate everything but because it's Kevin's most favorite thing in the world to do. Hey, if I don't have to cook or clean up, I'm game!

A Good Cry

I never believed I'd ever experience a "good cry" as I'd heard other people describe one. Like most people, when given the choice, I prefer not to cry. I couldn't imagine what would ever be good about doing it. Some people are more ok with crying than others and some people talk about needing "a good cry" to feel better about something. I had never understood that but I think I experienced one on Sunday.

It was with trepidation that I went to church on Sunday because of the situation in the life of a close friend of mine. When I sat down, a lot of pent-up emotion came out and I cried - I wasn't able to stop it but I was able to curb it a little. I wasn't embarrassed by it, I guess because I had a really good reason to be crying.

I suspect I needed to release the emotion that had built up and that's why it felt ok, and even good, to cry. Even now, I don't have bad memories of it and I don't wish that it won't happen again.

I'm learning a lot about myself through my friend's devastating experience. Maybe the next time someone in my life faces something difficult, I'll be better equipped to support them.