Four Years of Wedded Bliss

As of today, Andy and I have been married 4 years. A few months after we got married, my brother's very perky Martha Stewartesque neighbor asked us, "So, isn't marriage great? For a year and a half after we got married, it was like we were in heaven. That feels good, doesn't it?" In my mind I answered, "I wouldn't really know how that feels, but thanks for asking."

Marriage and parenting - you can prepare all you want (and you should) but you never, ever know what you're getting into until you've gotten into it.

I wouldn't trade being married to Andy for anything, though! We've known each other for 9 years and although the first years were lots of exciting fun (first camping trip, lots of mountain biking, getting my truck repaired without asking, etc.) since we've been married, we've shared lots more. As we always say, "Go Team!"

Delilah, is that you?

I've now had, at least twice, a dream that I cut my hair off but - oops! - forgot to put it into a ponytail so I couldn't donate it to Locks of Love. What on earth is the point of this dream? Why am I concerned about something that won't happen? I will go to the same highly-competent salon that I went to last time to donate my hair and there is no reason to be concerned that it'll be scattered all over the floor, wasted.

Any ideas of the cause of my unconscious psychosis?

Kevin's first campout

Over the weekend, our church had its annual campout on the church property. Andy went by himself on Friday night to enjoy some time alone and then Kevin and I joined him on Saturday afternoon. Kevin did great - he walked most of the time instead of whining to be carried constantly and he slept all night. He had a meltdown shortly before we left on Sunday but I think that was ultimately caused by hunger.

The Mother-Daughter Mind-Meld

A couple of weeks ago, my parents came to visit and I showed my mom my new Timex sports watch. She showed me hers. They're exactly the same but a different color. We had both tried on a different color which was the same which neither of us bought. "I got mine at Target, where did you get yours?" "Target."

Last week I was thinking out of the blue about one of my favorite kinds of cookies that I haven't eaten in ages. On Saturday, my parents came over for lunch and what did my mom bring for dessert? Those delectable oatmeal, peanut butter and chocolate cookies that I'd thought of earlier in the week.

Scary or really, really cool?

Jingle Bear jingled all night long

We have a teddy bear that we affectionately call "Jingle Bear" because he plays the song "Jingle Bells" when his hand is squeezed. He was a thoughtful gift from my wonderful Secret Santa two Christmases ago and he has become one of Kevin's favorite stuffed animals.

Last night we had a really strong thunderstorm that lasted for quite awhile (and knocked out power all over the place.) While only one really loud clap of thunder woke Kevin, Jingle Bear was roused from his sleep on numerous occasions. I went in to check on Kevin and Jingle Bear was singing away! The thunder was vibrating the house and
apparently Jingle Bear's now-hair-trigger singing button was activated over and over. The poor bear had to be removed to sleep in the guest room for the night.

Nadal did it!

I know this is late but Rafael Nadal won the French Open! I was able to watch most of the last 2 sets (of 4) and it was a great match. It looked at times as though Puerta was going to take it away but Nadal's incredible run-downs to the ball kept him alive and kicking. He not only ran down a lot of balls that most people wouldn't have attempted, he ran them down and hit them back with authority - rarely did he provide a defensive lob to his opponent. Incredible.

Nadal is in the Finals!

I do feel bad for Roger Federer, losing his chance to add the French Open to his list of Grand Slam Championships, but boy wasn't it exciting to see Rafael Nadal win the semi? Nadal goes to the finals against unseeded Mariana Puerta who played two 5-set matches to get to his first-ever Grand Slam finals. Wow... 2 guys who've never been in a Grand Slam final? How fun will that be no matter who wins?! I expect I'll be rooting for Nadal, of course. I do hope they both play their best tennis ever - for their sakes as well as for those of us watching :-)

The French Open at Roland Garros

Equal Opportunity Sporting News - it's not just about Le Tour even though it may appear that way in July.

This week's excitement comes in the form of tennis played on the red clay courts of Roland Garros in Paris, France. Friday will be an adrenaline-fest as Roger Federer meets Rafael Nadal in one of the men's semi-final matches. Do I even know who's playing in the other semi? Nope. It's all about Federer and Nadal. I watched them play a heck of a match in Miami a few weeks ago (on TV) and I expect that Friday's match will be lots of fun. Federer is a seasoned veteran while Nadal and is ready to take over. Federer has won all three other Grand Slams (Australian Open, Wimbledon, US Open) but he's not won the French Open. Nadal is a clay-courter through and through so this is his court, so to speak. Will Nadal come out on top this time and upset Federer's apple cart?

Oooh, the suspense is killing me. Let's hope that they show some coverage on TV - and not just on cable, please!!

Another bedtime milestone

Last night, Kevin slept with a blanket. It wasn't just on the bed, it was on him!

A few seconds of real fear

On Sunday we went to Will & Beth's house for dinner. Their pool was open but cold so we dipped our feet in while I mulled over the idea of jumping in. Kirsten pulled into the driveway and we all turned to say, "Hi!" Kevin turned too but he kept walking and landed right in the pool. He went under and then popped back up to the surface but just laid there in a prone position not attempting to pick his head up or anything. He was only in for about 5 seconds before Andy negotiated how to get in the water quickly without pushing Kevin under or slipping on the step. Kevin came up coughing and crying but he was ok. A few minutes later in dry clothes he was back to normal and a short time after that he was walking right next to the pool again.

Considering that when we met him he freaked out at the sound of the shower or bath water running and wouldn't go near the fountain in the market, we're impressed that he bounced back rather quickly from falling in the water.

His version of the story the following day was that he was swimming - he had jumped in the water. I was sure to correct him that he FELL in the water and did NOT swim one bit! He told Andy the original story later in the day so I guess that's just the way it is. Perhaps he's better off thinking of it that way.

I, for one, will never ever forget the image of him lying facedown in the water, not moving.

Aerodynamics

I rode my bike this morning with Kevin in the trailer. It's a warm day and the sun is shining brightly so I left the plastic window up with just the screen down for him. Unfortunately, there is only screening at the front of the trailer. This means that while I'm trying to gain momentum on the downhills to get up the uphills easier, Kevin is riding in style in nothing short of a parachute. Parachutes are built to overcome aerodynamics.

Memorial Day

Don't be fooled by the car commercials, pool supply and grilling sales or flip flop producers. This weekend is Memorial Day weekend - not First Day Of Summer or Official Barbeque Day weekend. Monday is a day (and this weekend is the weekend) to remember those who have died for the sake of our freedom. Freedom comes with a price and a responsibility - the price of lives that are lost or irrevocably changed by combat and the responsibility to remember that freedom, while "guaranteed" and "right"ed by our country's founding documents, is not guaranteed or righted to us in the grander scheme of the world.

Thank you to all who have left this world for the sake of our country's (and others') freedoms. I pray for your families and for your causes.

The bird landed on my finger and I said, "It is good."

We went to the zoo this afternoon and had to kill some time before the launching of the members-only grand-opening of Parakeet Landing (it was like any old black tie, high heels and champagne deal but without the black ties, high heels and champagne - although they did have cookies and pink lemonade) so we visited the petting farm/zoo and took a walk through the Maryland Wilderness section. They have a set of lilypads for kids to walk on and Kevin missed the step up out of the last one and landed himself in the water up to his knee. Then I parked him in the stroller next to the cows' fence and one of them put its nose between the boards right in Kevin's face and let out the MOO to end all moos scaring the jeepers out of both Kevin and myself. From then on everything was scary - Kevin wouldn't let me walk him in any direction but 180 degrees from the strolling peacock and we had to give the donkey pen a berth of about 15 feet. I told Kevin they don't moo but he didn't buy it.

So we headed toward the "special birds" (I had to give some name for the reason we were visiting the zoo without seeing the Almighty Giraffes because hey, they're a mile away from anywhere we need to be and we just saw them on Monday - come on, kid, you just saw them on Monday.) Kevin kept saying, "No - no special birds!" and I decided, this once, to ignore him. We got in line and he stopped saying No because there were too many people in line with us to be scared about that he couldn't speak. We went inside with our $1 seed stick to bring the birds right to us because the lady at the gate couldn't believe it when I said I wasn't interested in taking one in this time - she manhandled me into buying one. So we went inside and people were holding their seed sticks in the air and birds were coming right down on them to eat! I asked Kevin if he wanted to put his arm in the air for the birds to come to it and he was already there holding his hand over my head. Hmm... he wasn't as scared as I'd hoped.

We couldn't get any birds to come to our stick so I meandered around pretending to look for congregating legions of hungry birds. Then a very nice, well-meaning man with a white parakeet (?) on his seed stick said, "Here, why don't you put your finger out for him to climb on and then he'll eat your seed." This is where I expected the Mommy Adrenaline to kick in. It didn't... it was more like Mommy Amitriptyline*. I was so calm about the whole thing I'm not sure what was going on.

All in all it was fun because Kevin really seemed to enjoy it and I didn't freak out. And we gave Andy about an hour at home after work by himself, which is always good (for all of us.)

*Note: I was on amitriptyline for about 6 weeks, I think, as preventive therapy for my migraines. It turned me into a zombie and I hardly remember anything except for feeling when I went off the medication that I had just woken up after a long dream. It was a good case study for the idea that people who aren't depressed shouldn't be put on anti-depressants.

So Proud Is He

Kevin picked out his own outfit of pajama shorts (which he won't wear for sleeping, ironically), a long-sleeved t-shirt and a sweatshirt for an 80+ degree day. And isn't that the face of pride. 

Do you think he learned his lesson? 

Zoo Trip #2 for this week

Tomorrow's adventure a la Kevin & Mama will be a trip to the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. This won't be just any old zoo trip, though (we took any old zoo trip on Monday.) Tomorrow we're going to the members-only (thanks for our membership, Kirsten!) sneak preview of Parakeet Landing:

Step out of Maryland and into the tropics with our state-of-the-art summer exhibit featuring a 1500 square foot tropical bird aviary enclosing hundreds of free-flight zebra finches, grass parakeets, rosellas, and cockatiels! This is the 1st interactive experience of its kind at The Zoo.
Feed, touch and learn about these tropical treasures this summer ONLY!

I'm hoping that either Kevin will be too scared to go into the enclosure with the birds flying around or that my Mommy-Adrenaline will kick in so that I can willingly walk in and let birds touch me. I'm a wee bit scared of birds and the purpose of this exhibit is to allow visitors the chance to experience these birds in hand (or on shoulder or nesting in hair or whatever the case may be. They're wild animals, they can do whatever they please, you know.)

Help Wanted

Do you have a degree in Pattern Analysis? Perhaps a minor? Maybe you just find patterns intriguing? If so, contact me for a possible short-term contract position in our family's "Figure Out What Makes The Kid's Sleeping Schedule Work" division.

This is a new position. Previous work in this area was completed by Mom who just ran screaming from the building.

Don't wait! Try your hand at popping the floating balloon with a snub-nosed dart. I mean, try your hand at determining the appropriate parameters that keep Kevin in his bed from the time he lays down until no less than 10 hours later.

The hugs and bowing at your feet that you'll receive upon successful completion of the task will be worth it! (and worth more than the $5.00/hour we're willing to pay.)

Apply Now!

Miscellany

I'm so glad that Kevin's grandparents live within an hour of us. Andy's mom and sister watched Kevin so that I could work when our daycare provider was out of the country for two weeks. Yesterday my parents came over to play with Kevin while we went for a hike and did a few things on our own. I know lots of families who don't have local extended family and I think that would be really difficult.

---

Kevin got his first fat lip with us today (no, we didn't cause it.) He fell and hit his mouth on a chair. He said that the grape popsicle helped it feel much better.

---

Luke 19:17 "'Well done, my good servant!' his master replied. 'Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.'"

It doesn't matter at the moment that when I tell Kevin he can't have another sip of soda he takes one anyway. But it does matter in the long run. If I can't trust him to obey and respect my commands with the small things, how can I trust him with big things later? I won't yet call it a phase that Kevin is entering (although I think it is) but he is beginning to consistently disobey me. I can see how it is a normal and good thing for him to test the boundaries (he must feel secure in our relationship that he doesn't have to obey us to make us love him and it's a normal toddler thing to push outward) but in the heat of screaming and crying it is a pain in the neck. At what age can I expect to be able to really explain this to him? When he's 35, you say? I'm not sure I can wait that long.

---

It's been too long. I'm listening to The Best of Reggae Dancehall Music Volume 2. I know that part of my love for this music is the memories it brings to mind from my college years. It's more than that, though. Do you have a style of music that seems to resonate with your soul? Something that when you hear it, your heart joins the rhythm and beats to it? Reggae is that music for me.

What keeps our son up at night

Kevin has taken to coming out of his room a bunch of times when we put him to bed. Last night it was my turn to be the guard posted at his door telling him, "Get back in bed" every time he came out. The third time he opened the door he told me, "Buy milk."

That was the last time he came out. I assume he felt confident that he could stop worrying that we used up the last of the milk at dinner once he reminded me that we needed to buy more.

Photos

One of Andy's presents to me for Mother's Day was to get a roll of black & white film developed that I've had sitting around for about a year. It sat around because Snapfish wouldn't process it even though it was meant to be developed with color processing and I hadn't yet decided it was worth the $10 price tag to get it developed locally.

The film contained some pictures of Flash and he framed one for me. There were also some photos I took just for fun of a trio of Star Trek figures that Andy received as a Christmas present from one of his sisters.

I'm not a fan of Star Trek and I'm not usually such a nerd, but posing those guys and taking photos was pretty funny.

Flash basking in the sun. 

Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy and Spock ready for action. 

Unfinished pier in Cape May, NJ (2004?) 

I caught up to my wisdom

I used to hear, "You're wise beyond your years" on a fairly regular basis while growing up. I just realized that I haven't been told that in quite some time. I can't recall when the last time was so I'm not sure when I caught up with my wisdom. Here's hoping my age hasn't surpassed my wisdom at this point.

Lots of deer and first-known snake

Yesterday morning there were 6 deer "pinned" in our yard. Our east neighbor was running a chainsaw and our west neighbor was out getting ready to mow the lawn. The deer didn't know where to go as they usually travel along the sound barrier behind our houses. They eventually ran off and then returned with an extra member and the seven of them wandered around the yard for a bit longer before running off again (toward the west both times.)

Today we saw a snake in our yard for the first time (we've been here for 2.5 yrs.) We're sure we've had snakes before but we never saw any. We're hoping it sticks around to eat all of the moles that we have. Of course then we'll be even more overrun by Japanese beetles because nothing will be here to eat their grubs. Hmm...

The snake is currently warming itself under the plastic cover on top of our wood pile. Kevin got to see it and both opportunities (the deer and the snake) were excellent chances to teach him about how to behave around wild animals.

That's a nice red badge of "courage" you've got there, son

When I picked Kevin up from childcare at church today after a bible study meeting, he had a new lump on his forehead. He very often has a bump on his head so I wasn't concerned but I was curious. I asked him about it and he shared in the way only he can what happened, complete with the words, "Maria hit" and the action of him smacking his hand into his head to show me where he was hurt.

I later found out the story from an adult who saw it happen and it wasn't a punching match with Maria or even a case of tripping over something or falling off the jungle gym. Kevin got hurt HUGGING. Apparently Kevin and Maria were hugging each other most of the morning and one hug got out of control and they wouldn't let go of each other as they were losing their balance and they just fell over and smacked their heads together and then on the floor.

The Coup d'etat de Mere Has Begun

I knew it was coming and I knew I wouldn't like it but it had to be. A particular family member - who is very sweet, generous, kind and loving - has boundary issues when it comes to whose children belong to whom. So far we've sidestepped the issue and it hasn't been a problem until now when we've had to ask said generally wonderful family member to do us a favor which led directly to the first official steps of the coup.

It began before said favor was performed by said family member at the first possible chance after the favor was requested. And whether or not I knew it was coming, it's still hard to deal with.

I may not be the best mom, but I'm the best mom Kevin has. And it's going to stay that way whether said family member who never intends to make waves does make waves and makes me feel bad.

I apologize for this not making sense. It's hard to vent when no details should be divulged. Although it's not like most people won't understand the details from what I wrote anyway. I should probably just not post this, but I bet I will anyway.

Is being evil a "Sunday morning value?"

I think the "Big Idea" behind VeggieTales is that they're actually evil. They play those "silly songs" and get tunes stuck in your head for days (yes, days - not a few hours or an afternoon but DAYS.) It's enough to make someone think they're schizophrenic with all of the voices in their heads talking about cebus, pepinos, pirates, silk hats and cheeseburgers.

I used to think I was realistic (part 3)

Continuation of part 2 and part 1.

Expectation #8

I will not speak "baby talk" to my children. They will learn the proper words such as "toilet" instead of "potty," "we're going to leave now" instead of "time for bye-bye," etc.

Reality #8

This is one of few expectations that I've pretty much kept to. My biggest issue in this arena is that I have to use the word "potty" to differentiate it from the big toilet. And I inadvertently called Kevin's stomach his "belly" during a tickle fight before he learned "stomach" so he now calls it his belly. I can live with that. For now.

Expectation #9

I will include my children in my daily tasks around the house and during errands so that they learn so many useful things. Most importantly, I will enjoy imparting my knowledge to them and letting them help in their own special way.

Reality #9

I have little patience to put this into practice. I try and hopefully I will get better at it but by then, Kevin will be too old to care about what I'm doing and he'll just want to go off and do his own thing.

Expectation #10

I will watch TV with my children so that we can have helpful and informative discussions during and after the program. They will watch very, very little TV and not every day.

Reality #10

Now that Kevin enjoys watching TV and he will sometimes sit and watch without me, I take full advantage of my "time alone" to get other things done that are easier done without him, like housework (see Expectation #9, above.) Watching TV first thing in the morning also helps me to wake up more "gently" such that I don't always start my day in a huff because the little guy got me out of bed before I was ready to get up.

Maybe it'll come to me in a dream tonight

I took a bubble bath tonight and read further in The Story We Find Ourselves In. Then I fell asleep in the hot water with my head mostly submerged (is there any more relaxing way to sleep? my blood pressure was probably 50/20.) As I was waking up but before I was completely conscious, I had a tremendous insight. I was able to pull together an idea from the book with some real-life experiences and a bunch of things "magically" made sense. I even spent a minute (probably only a few seconds, actually) thinking of how to explain it to other people because it was so good I wanted to share it. Then I opened my eyes and my great insight was gone. Vanished. Poof. I hope it will come back but even if it doesn't, it's nice to know that I had it and to remember the feeling of really "getting" something.

He doesn't fit in this sleeper anymore. 

Can you tell which one is the toy? 

Happy Almost-Seven-Month Anniversary

Way back on October 2, 2004, Andy and I met our son for the first time. He was tiny for
his 2 and 1/2 years, quiet and somber, hungry, and coughing. He wasn't malnourished or
underclothed or anything like the kids you see on the charity commercials on TV, but he was
understandably withdrawn and his cough sounded pretty bad.

Skip forward almost 7 months and what has changed?

Kevin still loves to play with balls and blocks and he still eats a lot and he's still short and
he is still quiet when he is distressed (particularly in unfamiliar enviroments or around unfamiliar
people) and he's coughing now because of what we assume are allergies.

However, he doesn't eat as much as he did and he talks a lot around us and his body has filled out.
He loves to be outside instead of being scared and he walks and runs in the grass instead of only on
cement or asphalt. He has
grasped more of the English language than we expected by now and everyday he is better able to
express himself. He has learned to enjoy playing with other children rather than backing away from
them and he loves all sorts of toys and jungle gym equipment.

His sleeping habits have changed but each phase brings new challenges rather than just being easier.
While I was able, at one point,
to put him back into his bed in the middle of the night and he'd fall back to sleep, he now will
come back out of his room as soon as I get back into my bed. He'll do this up to 6 times (perhaps more
but I haven't found out because by that time I'm so aggravated that I just go sleep on the floor
in his room instead.) This also happens now when he goes to bed - he comes out over and over and over
again. And this also happens during what used to be nap time but which is now "quiet play alone time."
I don't really get much alone time with him coming out of his room every few minutes but I'm trying to
see this as a phase and let him work up to longer stretches of time.

He is learning to share and take turns which helps his playtime with other kids. He has become
opinionated about what clothes he wants to wear and he loves to wear pajamas. His shoes are still
a necessity with clothes but he can do without them while wearing pajamas.

I used to think I was realistic (part 2)

Continuation of this post.

Expectation #6

I will not change my childrens' diapers in public.

Reality #6

I do what is most convenient and that is often all about not having to find a suitable private place to change Kevin's diaper (as in this post.)

Expectation #7

I will not ask my children to do things, I will tell them to do things. I will not say, "Ok?" after most of my sentences.

Reality #7

Kevin, like most children, responds best when he thinks that he has chosen to do something. Control is a big issue. He is generally compliant and is comfortable making the decision to do something when asked so he is 80-95% likely to do what I ask. However, if I tell him to do it he's only maybe 50% likely to do it because not doing it is the only way to exert control over the situation.

The Difference

The real title of this post is The Difference Between Authenticity and Complaining
Or, The Difference Between Contentment and Complacency but it's too long for a title.

I'm having a hard time reconciling the pull to be authentic with others regarding my feelings and opinions while not being a "downer" or "complainer." A recent message at church revolved around being the person in a crowd to make positive comments about others or situations rather than being the one to complain. One of our church's values is (this is quoted from the church website): "We want Cedar Ridge to be real, honest, and genuine, in our people and in our programs."

If I'm going to be genuine, then I'm going to say sometimes "That's a bad idea, I wish it wasn't that way" or even, "I think such-and-such person is not a good fit in the task that they've been given."

The tug-of-war inside me is a stalemate but it is not at rest - both ends are working hard to win. For example, on one end of my rope is the understanding that worship is about God, not me. I should focus on God and not on the external things in my environment. However, at the other end of my rope is the understanding that if those external environmental factors aren't to be an issue, then why does the church even attempt to make an environment of worship with music, singing, dim lights, etc.? That leads me to believe that the church expects that environmental factors can and do affect my worship of God. So why can't I make comments about how those factors affect me negatively? Isn't it genuine of me to do so?

I never expect the church to change because of my opinion (stated or otherwise.) And I don't want to seem like a complainer or someone who comments on how every aspect of the service should be more suited to me (I know some people do that and it is not uplifting to the people working hard to make the church a home for everyone.) But I do feel stunted regarding giving comments about our church service or how the church is being managed or even asking questions about how things work around there.

Church isn't the only place that this is difficult for me. We tend to honor those in our personal circles who seem always in a good mood with never a bad thing to say about how they feel. I agree that this is honorable when it is true. But it seems unrealistic that some people always feel this way. I feel that it dishonors me when people who claim to be close friends never share their difficulties. It's possible that they are sharing them with other people and don't need me for that, which is fine. But if our relationship claims to be based on deep understanding and trust then I want to be trusted with their genuine, authentic feelings. It's difficult for me to be genuine with someone who only wants a one-way street between us. When I'm not genuine I feel superficial. Again, this is fine if that is the way the relationship works and I'm not saying that everyone I come into contact with needs to share their deepest secrets with me (I'd rather they didn't) - but if we're claiming to be in true community or really good friends or however you want to say it, then we need the mutuality of vulnerability.

End rambling. Suffice it to say that I'm torn between how to be genuine and authentic in my relationships (personal and institutional) if I'm not allowed to be honest when I have negative thoughts or feelings.

I used to think I was realistic

I've always considered myself realistic/pragmatic and I've been told the same by others around me most of my life. There are some things, though, which can't be realized until they are lived. One of those is parenting.

Expectation #1

My life will not revolve around my children. Their lives will revolve around what’s best for the whole family.

Reality #1

The needs of the family are the needs of the kids and it’s impossible not to change one’s schedule and priorities upon assuming the role of parent. And the level to which this must occur is unfathomable until one becomes a parent. No matter how much one thinks that one knows better. It’s unfathomable. It can’t be determined until one is in the situation. Unfathomable.

Expectation #2

I will not discuss my childrens’ diapering and toileting habits with anyone but immediate family or those who ask.

Reality #2

Just last night I discussed this in public but was nicely reminded that it’s better not to.

Expectation #3

I will not expect everybody else to change their lives to fit our families’ needs.

Reality #3

I believe I’m doing well with this one so far. Our ability to fit into others’ lives has changed but we expected that and we’re fine with it being our decision to make that be the case.

Expectation #4

My children will do what I ask them to do because they know it is the best thing for them.

Reality #4

While I knew this would not be instantaneous, I thought I could mold Kevin better than I have so far. And to think that he is fairly compliant compared to a lot of kids I’m not sure what I’ll do when we have more.

Expectation #5

I will enjoy providing my children with the attention that they request.

Reality #5

Um, yeah.

Another reason why I'm not the best mother

I fight with my 3-yr old when he gets near to touching my Paint With Water masterpiece with his sloppy, dripping paintbrush.

Bicycling

I rode my bike with Kevin in the trailer this morning. Despite that fact that he fell asleep when I didn't want him to and I had to deal with yard sale traffic, I had 2 bright spots to make the ride feel better.

I often see joggers, walkers, dog walkers, etc. while riding the neighborhood streets I was on today and I often wave and/or say "Hi." Today a man saw me from his driveway and let out a big smile and gave me a thumbs-up after pointing to the trailer. Then I was on my way up the last hill to our house (we apparently live on a mountain because everywhere I go is down on the way out and up on the way back but you'd never notice it in a car.) Anyway, I was on my way up the last hill to our house when I passed by 2 children riding their bikes. I waved and said, "Hello" with a smile and I heard the younger one say, "Wow, she's flying!" Which, of course, I wasn't, but I'll take that kind of compliment anyday! In fact, that's probably the first time anyone has thought I was riding fast.

Overheard at our house this morning

"No more cookies until you finish your Fruit Loops."

You call that science?

In a disheartening announcement yesterday, the United States Anti-Doping Agency suspended professional cyclist Tyler Hamilton from competition for 2 years for blood doping. Tyler Hamilton has always appeared squeaky-clean with honor and integrity and I have to say that I was shocked to find out that he was guilty. As I read more about the case on Tyler's website I knew I was reading a one-sided argument against the guilty verdict but I felt that there were some compelling points. Then I read the report (starting on pg 14) written by the dissenting voter on the 3-person panel and I'll be darned if there don't seem to be some gaping holes in the argument against Hamilton.

Needless to say, I'm bummed. I'm bummed for Tyler but also for the witch-hunt attitude that seems to be pervading the sport of cycling. I'm not saying that professional cycling hasn't had some serious doping problems, but some of the latest efforts to curb the problem are causing more problems on their own.

Tour de France - it's never too early to get excited

This year's 92nd Tour de France starts on July 2, 2005. That's less than 3 months away so if you're not getting your yellow jersey out of underbed storage, your TV recorder in top working condition and your tongue re-introduced to a list of French cycling terms, then you're about to be left behind. Without going into too many details before my audience is primed and ready, I'll just leave you with these notes: this year's Tour is destined to be exciting as Lance Armstrong defends his historic reign of TdF victories yet again, Jan Ullrich finally sticks with his plan to be in top racing form just in time for the TdF and the stages of this year's race are set up differently than in the past which could upset the apple cart, so to speak.

Get yourself ready. The Tour will be here before you know it and you have been warned.

Kevin's birthday tomorrow

In case I don't have time tomorrow to post a Happy Birthday message to Kevin, I'm doing it today. The plan is to give Kevin his present (a watch - yes, that's what he asked for) and some balloons and then go to the zoo. We'll have cupcakes or cake or something after dinner and then on Saturday we're having our families over for dinner and celebration.

We'll also celebrate and remember his birthparents who gave him life. At the minimum, we will light a candle for them and again show Kevin the pictures that we have of his birthmother and tell him the story of his life so far as we know it.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Pea!

The Ellicott City Hillbillies

I just got home from Wal-Mart. In the parking lot, I changed Kevin's diaper... in the open bed of my pickup truck.

Kevin's new nickname

I just watched a few minutes of the movie Seabiscuit and while introducing the horse the narrator said, "While he was much smaller than the other horses, he ate twice as much as they did."

Have you met our son, Kevin? You can call him Seabiscuit.

Honey, I've Erupted

Andy found some spots on the side of his stomach the other day and the patch of spots grew bigger and became painful. It sounded all too familiar so he went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with shingles. If you Google shingles, you'll find lots of "Senior Health" pages about shingles. I told Andy that although I got them because of a period of intense stress, he must have gotten them because he's getting old. Most people who get shingles are over age 50 because their immune systems are weakened.

Anyway, the title of this post is a quote from Andy earlier tonight referring to the opening of his first set of bumps. Hopefully the pain he feels will be reduced with the early intervention he's receiving. He's on pain medication and an anti-viral. Yes, the same type of anti-viral that you see commercials on TV for related to other sorts of Herpes outbreaks. I wonder why Andy sent me to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription??

Thank Goodness it's not broken

I've had a number of sports injuries in my life. This week I experienced a new one - a blow to the bridge of my nose. I had no idea how painful that is.

I played ultimate frisbee on Tuesday and the disc was deflected off somebody's hands and the edge of it smacked me square in the nosepiece of my sunglasses. I had to walk off the field for a bit to collect myself. I didn't expect to still be feeling it as badly 2 days later.

Fortunately it's not swollen and you'd have to know to look for the bruising to see it but that doesn't mean I don't feel it constantly and especially when putting on glasses, squinting, or touching it. I should've told Kevin that before he (accidentally) punched me in the nose this morning. Owwww.

No-Nap Saturday went better than we expected

Because of the time change last night, we kept Kevin from his nap yesterday. It was easy to do because we were with my family at my parents' house and Kevin wouldn't have slept if we'd tried to get him to. However, we were surprised that although he was a little more "sensitive" and he whimpered more than usual, he hung in there until it was time to go to bed without any major meltdowns (and there were reasons to have meltdowns.)

He didn't come into our room at all last night and the first thing we heard from him today was at 7:15! That worked out great, I must say. Problem is, that was a good experiment to test how he is without a nap compared to how he is with a nap. The results don't look good for my 1.5 hours of no-Kevin time every afternoon. It seems that he's better off without the nap or with a much shorter one, although that would mean I'd have to wake him up. Stay tuned for more sleep experiments. And pray that we don't see him in our room 3 times tonight like we did most of last week (ugh.)

Two adults and 2 kids overnight does the trick

I'm frantically (well, let's just say "determinedly") cleaning up our house for last-minute overnight guests. While I won't do much dusting or scrubbing, I am definitely having to clean up the place. We're used to using half of our dining room table for eating and the other half for various things but we're going to have 7 people eating there for the next couple of days. And the guest bed? It's covered in piles of our stuff that came out of Kevin's closet when we put in the organizer system because we haven't figured out where it's all going to go. Perhaps it'll just go back in there for now. His clothes are tiny and don't need much room!

I have to say that I really enjoy this kind of thing when I don't let it stress me out. I like to organize, put away, throw out, etc. It feels good to create more efficiency and simplify. I just needed a good reason to do it (somehow my few spare minutes a day don't translate into house cleaning most of the time but into reading, catching up on email or viewing a snippet of TV. Call me selfish; I do.)

Bird Quiz

Not only is QuizYourFriends.com fun for personal quizzes...

Here is a bird quiz I made.

The questions are all related to local birding to be more interesting to the majority of my readers. However, much of the information pertains to other areas, too. Don’t worry, I won’t be offended if nobody takes the quiz :-)

Note that if you want to remain a non-resident of the spam netherworld, you’ll want to put in a fake email address when you sign in. You’ll still be able to see what answers you got right and wrong on the screen, they just won’t be emailed to you. Which is worth it if you don’t want to get 5 junk emails a day offering you “low” mortgage rates that are actually higher than the rate at which you’ve already refinanced. I can only assume the recent increase in traffic to my spam folder is due to QuizYourFriends.com (either that or it’s a mighty coincidence.)

Update on the brick-throwing incident

All of you locals know by now that the hoodlum (I'm sorry, did I just make a judgment on the kid's character? pardon me) who threw the brick through our neighbor's window has been found out. The kid on the other side of the street (who I secretly assumed did it but secretly hoped didn't) was along for the ride but didn't actually throw the brick. A kid who lives behind the people across the street from us did. He apparently has all sorts of other criminal and just plain stupid actions in his history but I don't know at this point what will happen to him regarding the police investigation.

I did spend some time recently pondering my assumption that it was a teenage boy in the neighborhood causing the craziness that we seen. There's only one kid fitting such a description on our street so, yes, I did assume he was guilty. Heck, I've assumed he was guilty of all of the things that I've seen go wrong around here.

What this made me realize is that someday, people will make similar assumptions about Kevin. Will I be offended? Of course! Well, that's if he continues to be the sweet and mostly obedient person he is now. With the looks I give down my nose at just about every teenage boy I come across, do I have any reason to be offended? In the realm of hypocrisy, no. But in the realm of discernment, probably so. The idea of "innocent until proven guilty" doesn't seem to reside in my brain when it comes to teenagers. This incident and having a son of my own makes me question how I should change my thought process regarding teenagers, particularly those of the high testosterone gender.

I really did lower my standards

Every time I asked parents before being one myself, "How do you do it?" in regard to keeping their houses clean and working and all of that, I'd get the response, "You lower your standards." I always said in reply, "My standards are already pretty low!"

It turns out that I am capable of much lower standards than I thought, specifically regarding cleanliness. Our kitchen, in particular, becomes a wreck regularly and I can't recall the last time I dusted anything. I have vacuumed lately, but it's still not nearly as often as I expected I'd do it.

We used to keep up with the cleaning, or at least keep up with it "well enough" because we'd have visitors regularly and I would always use that as the impetus to clean up. When I commented on the state of our kitchen to Andy the other day he said, "We need to have guests over." I said, "Um, we've been having guests over. It hasn't helped." Andy said, "We must be having the wrong kind of guests over."

I listed the guests we've had in the past month - my parents, Andy's parents, childless friends, friends with children, and an overnight guest. None of them were the kind that I cleaned up for and I'm not sure what other kind there is. If I don't clean up more for either of our parents, I think it's a sign that I'm not going to clean up.

Unless, maybe, somebody offers me a million dollars to come to my house and find it clean. Or maybe a clan of 10 overnight guests all carrying large musical instruments because there's no way they'd fit very far past the front door.

This is too funny not to post

Thanks for finding this, Kirsten.

Marshmallow Peeps research

(Un)Welcome to Our Neighborhood

Last night at 11:45 pm, our doorbell rang. We were in bed and I was already asleep. I had a hard time figuring out what was going on and then Andy said, “Doorbell” and then it rang again and cleared my head a little more. We went to the front door and saw a person there so Andy looked through the living room window while a flashlight shown in through the door (causing me to hide in the kitchen so that he wouldn’t be able to see me without me seeing him.) Andy could tell it was a police officer so I opened the door right after he bagged the doorbell idea and started banging his fist on the door.

He asked if we knew that a couple of hours prior our brand-new neighbors had a brick thrown through their back window. What?! We didn’t even know someone had moved in there yet. Apparently they did their final walkthrough at 8 pm and then came back after settlement at 10 pm to find a broken window and a brick in their house. What a horrible thing to find minutes after signing the papers to purchase your new home.

Last night was the most unsafe I’ve ever felt in my own home. This was a real threat, not a threat conjured up by my imagination. I don’t know how people stay in their homes after being burglarized. It was a terrible feeling last night and we weren’t even the people that were violated.

Now we can only hope that the person who did this will be found out and that our new neighbors will feel welcomed by the rest of us despite what happened in the first hours they owned their home here.

I'm glad he's neat and organized, but....

Our almost 3-yr old son won't allow us to put his belongings into his newly-created closet organization system. We put up ClosetMaid shelves and such on Saturday and started to organize his things in there but he keeps pulling out all of the items that weren't previously in his closet and putting them back where they were before. Any attempt to persuade him that the new system really is more organized is met with ferocity. I think I heard him mutter, "For pete's sake, you people are making my life difficult" under his breath.

Quiz

I know this is kinda cheesy but cheesy can be fun, right? Below is a link to a quiz I made.

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

At the zoo

"Look at me with the big kids. I'm so cool!" 

Secret Bunny

I’m used to playing Secret Santa and Secret Pal with friends but I’m not used to receiving anonymous gifts outside of the rules and confines of a group effort! I came to work this morning to find a Cadbury Caramel Egg on my keyboard. “How nice! I wonder who left that for me?” I thought. Then I opened my drawer to put my keys in and, voila! There were 2 more chocolate eggs! The smile spread wider across my face as I imagined someone taking the time to do this for me. Then I grabbed my cup to get some water and - guess what? Another chocolate! This was a special one - a Lindt brand chocolate bunny.

I smiled for 5 straight minutes! But now I can’t figure out who left me the candy and I can’t stand it that I can’t thank someone for it. The first couple of people I asked (believably) answered that they aren’t my Secret Bunny.

Elesa, did you hop up from Guatemala to play this trick on me??

Deep Thoughts

I love these quotes from Saturday Night Live's Jack Handey skit. When I found a list of these today, I couldn't help but include some of my favorites here.

• If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
  
• I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.
  
• Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
  
• Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
  
• To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
  
• When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
  
• When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
  
• I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  
• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
  
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
  
• If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
  

That was more than I intended to include but aren't they worth it?

I'm glad it's only taken 5 months

The boulder has been slowly chiseled away and only a moderate-size piece is left on my chest. And now that the boulder is not pressing all of the air out of my lungs, I can talk about it.

For the past 5 months I have been on the verge of depression. I probably didn’t appear that way but when things were really bad, I wasn’t in public. I think I put on a good face in public.

The first 5 months of parenting have been extremely difficult for me. I’ve felt despair like I’ve never felt before. I literally felt the pressure bearing down on me and I had dizzy spells when it was really bad.

I hated being a parent. It was the worst mistake I’d ever made because not only did my life suck but I brought a child into it not to mention my husband. There was no way out. For all sorts of reasons I wasn’t going to disrupt Kevin’s placement with us but, dear God, did I want to. If during that time I could have gone back in time to the previous year, I never would’ve decided to have a family. It wasn’t that Kevin was so bad (he’s really a saint compared to many kids!) but that I wasn’t meant to be a parent. I wasn’t just a bad parent but every moment I hated it. I’d say that every waking moment I hated it but I hated it in my sleep, too.

Things are better now. I feel lighter and happier and I genuinely laughed at Kevin today. It was so freeing I almost couldn’t stop. I can honestly say that I’ve had enjoyable parenting moments in the past couple of weeks.

Now when I offer Andy free time away from us I don’t secretly dread and resent it. I no longer count the seconds until Andy pulls into the driveway after work. I now rest when I sleep.

And what should’ve been the case all along but wasn’t and is now so sweet because I feel it AND I don’t feel guilty for not feeling it... I miss Kevin when we’re apart for long.

First post-placement visit

Today we met with our social worker who did our homestudy last year. It was our first post-placement visit and we'll have 2 more (I think). She'll write up a report and that gets sent with a bunch of photos to our placing agency. We are required by our placing agency to have the post-placement reports done but they are not required by Guatemala as they are in some countries. The 6-month report (which this one is) is also sent to our state.

The visit went fine; it was very easy. She asked us if any general info changed (only that I'm working part-time now) and she asked some questions about the joys and challenges specific to our parenting journey and how Kevin is progressing developmentally. It's easy to talk about Kevin for an hour!

Jumpin' Jack Flash - R.I.P. 2/23/2005

In February 1999, my family's cat of 19 years died. Her name was Sprite and she lived with me instead of at my parents' house from 1995-1999 and she became so sick that I had her put down. In July 1999, I missed having a cat around so much that Andy and I decided to adopt a cat together from the pound. We had a home visit/interview with an Animal Control Officer and they determined that we were fit to take care of one of their cats.

When we went to the pound we planned to look for a 1-2 year old cat but we were smitten with a cream and white colored kitten. We also noticed a frisky, meowy 4-month old steel gray cat with faint black stripes. When we walked by his cage, he made a racket and stuck his paws between the door railings trying to grab at us. He was so animated that he caught our attention and we brought him out of his cage and he promptly jumped out of my arms and attempted to check out the surroundings on his own. We put him back in the cage and placed him second on our list of choices. We were #3 on the list of people who wanted the kitten so we were ultimately matched with the gray cat.

I brought him home to my apartment while Andy wasn't there and he hopped around the place checking everything out and meowing at me. I'd been told to try to keep him calm (he was neutered that day and given some shots) and confined to one or two rooms. Yeah, right! He was all over the place. Not only was he very active but he was very lovable once he got used to us (which didn't take long.) I wasn't used to a snuggly cat so it was neat but a little weird.

The first weekend he was at my apartment, we had to leave for awhile so we locked him in the kitchen. The "lock" consisted of a 4-ft sheet of plywood clipped over the opening between the kitchen and the carpeted dining room. Before we were even out the door, we heard the jingle of his collar tags and saw him laying on the wrong side of the plywood door giving himself a bath. Hmm... this cat was a force to be reckoned with!

He quickly turned into free-range kitty even when I wasn't at home and that didn't cause any problems like I was expecting (namely un-use of the litter box and use of the carpet and un-use of the scratching post and use of the furniture.)

We took a long time to decide on a name for him - some we considered were Oscar and Jerry but after watching him scale the plywood when he was still small and leap up to the peephole in my front door to knock a pencil out of it, we decided on Jumpin' Jack Flash. We called him Flash for short.

Andy and I would go away for the weekend a lot back then (mostly camping) and we would leave extra food and water for Flash and he'd be fine. When we arrived home from our first 4-day weekend, Flash didn't greet us at the door and we were instantly curious. I found him locked in the bedroom. You see, he would often climb on top of the door and go for a ride. Apparently when he jumped off this time, he kicked the door shut. He was fairly agile but, lacking opposable thumbs, he never got the hang of putting his kitty paws around the door knob to open it. Judging by what was in the room that should've been in the litter box, we think he locked himself in there the night that we left.

On another long weekend trip, we left more than enough food and water out for him (he usually didn't eat as much while we were gone and he always had a lot leftover.) He disagreed. We found his bowls empty and the cabinet door open with the 10-lb bag of cat food (3 layers thick of paper with a plastic-type layer on the outside) shredded on one side with a hole big enough for Flash's head to fit through. He created his own feeding trough.

When speaking of people who have passed, you often hear that either the person lived a long, full life and their passing was bittersweet or you hear that the person's life was cut short and they had so much life left to live and their death was nothing but bitter. I think Flash lived fully while he was here but at only 6 years old with no known health issues we really thought he had lots of life left to live. Had he lived longer, I'm sure he would've lived as fully as he always had - doing all sorts of crazy things for attention.

Conversation

Dianne: What do you think of my hair today? Does it look different?

Andy: Did you straighten it?

Dianne: No. Does it look straighter?

Andy: Did you curl it?

Updated my website with photos

I have a long-standing website that currently houses photos. I updated that today (for the first time since June 2004.) Some photos have been posted here before but not all of them.

http://www.geocities.com/yosemite/2753

(click on "Added March 2005")

He rarely steps away from us voluntarily

While Kevin hasn’t grown any taller he is now able to reach more things than he used to because he’s becoming bolder and he tries to reach more things.

Yesterday when I got home from work Kevin didn’t greet me at the door and he wasn’t in the kitchen with Andy. My quizzical look prompted Andy to respond, “I’m a little concerned, too.” I heard the water turn on and off in the bathroom and then Kevin came running out still wearing his coat and carrying a tube of lip balm (nothing unusual or concerning there.)

I picked him up and gave him a bunch of kisses which slid right off his face. I thought, “Wow, that’s a lot of lip balm” and showed him to Andy. Andy, ever observant, said, “That’s not lip balm - that’s vaseline.”

Yup, vaseline slathered 1 cm thick all over his grinning face.

Good news for some baseball hopefuls

Little League International has adopted (pun intended) a change in procedure which allows more children to participate in their programs. It used to be that a birth document could be sole proof of age only if it was issued within one year of the child's birth. Obviously this rules out many internationally adopted children (including Kevin)! Under the old procedures we'd have to provide further proof of his age even when we have (which we don't yet have but we will later this year) his U.S.-issued birth certificate.

The new procedure allows for a birth document to be sole proof of age if it was issued in the country in which the child is participating.

Woohoo! Score one for Little League.

Hand Me Down

There's a blog I recently found written by a woman in her 20's who reminds me of myself at that age. I often reminisce about the empowerment of being on my own with my own job, my own apartment, my own truck, listening to whatever music I wanted, getting home at whatever time I wanted, etc. I was never a party animal but I look back on those days with joy. My memories of that time are very sweet but if I linger there too long, I remember the sour portions and I find myself thankful for the life I have now.

Andy didn't write the following song but he could have, just for me.

Hand Me Down

by Rob Thomas (from Matchbox Twenty's "More Than You Think You Are" CD)

Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue

Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you

Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to

Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth

They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say

They're gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in

Try to make you love again

Try to make you like the way they feel

When they're under your skin

Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you

You wonder why they haven't called

When they said they'd call you

You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by

You'll start to think you were born blind

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

I'm here for the hard times

The straight to your heart times

Whenever it ain't easy

You can stand up against me

And maybe rely on me

And cry on me, yeah

Oh no, no, no

Some day they'll open up your world

Shake it down on a drawing board

Do their best to change you

They still can't erase you

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

Servant or Enabler?

What is the difference between serving and enabling? I have a really hard time determining how to serve people without enabling them to continue or learn negative behaviors. Sometimes serving means doing something for someone. But what happens when doing something for someone does not, in fact, help them as much as it may reinforce negative behaviors?

The distinction between serving and enabling is generally easy to make in some situations. If I am certain to buy my (this is made up) alcoholic husband enough beer to keep the fridge full at all times, then I’m probably enabling him in his habit and not serving his true needs.

If I continually wipe up spilled coffee and food crumbs in the office kitchen, it would seem that I’m serving my coworkers. When, however, does that stop being service and start becoming a means for other people to be even lazier and more disrespectful of the others in the office because they never feel that they need to clean up after themselves?

This is a somewhat silly example, but don’t we face questions like this all the time? Or is it just me who really wonders whether the "service" that I’m doing is maybe not the best way to serve someone? This sometimes paralyzes me and I would guess that inaction without any form of engagement is never service. Perhaps I need to stop worrying about the bigger picture and just clean up after people without asking questions. Wouldn’t the service do my heart better? Would the enablement? But it shouldn’t be about me, right? It should be about the people I’m serving and I would really hope I’m not enabling them.

This comes to light a lot in parenting. There are times that doing something for Kevin is meant to show him that I’m his mother and I care about him and I will do things for him. Then there are times that doing that same thing for him only furthers his laziness and keeps him from understanding that it’s something he needs to be able to do for himself.

I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately and today I ran across this Dilbert strip. I should stop worrying about it because whether I am serving or enabling, I probably just sound like a lot of "Work harder" messages anyway.

Just don't call me perky

After I made some sarcastic comments about the phone conversation I'd just had, my officemate said to me, "Dianne, you've got your spunk back! You must be feeling better." Hmm... spunk? Not a word I'd tend to use for myself. Not sure anyone else ever has either.

I take that back

Kevin *is* sick with a much runnier nose and the beginning of his dreaded cough. And 2.5 hours ago, Andy stumbled (literally, with his feet caught in the blankets) out of bed to take his medication and said to me, "Since I'm staying home, just give me another hour of sleep and then you can go to work if you'd like." Hmm....maybe I need a refresher course in clock-reading.

Sick

Andy and I have been sick. Fortunately, Kevin has been barely sick. We were concerned by his stuffy nose because when he's had a cold in the past he ends up with reactive airway disorder and has to use the nebulizer, etc. But he seems generally ok. Andy and I, on the other hand, are not feeling well at all. Both have sinus infections and both have various other complications. We are both on antibiotics and other medications and we're really hoping to feel better soon. Day 4 of my antibiotics should feel better than it does, in my opinion, but I'm still holding out hope. Andy is on Day 1 of his so tomorrow and Wednesday will be the tests.

Amazing how when you're a parent you just do what you have to do (I know this is not earth-shattering news, I'm just thinking about it with respect to being sick.) I've been sick but have still visited 2 zoos, had a houseguest (who was very easy to host but adding that to the list increases the pity you feel for me), had a dinner guest, played volleyball (that has nothing to do with being a parent, I know) and played substitute teacher at church. Before being a parent I would've laid on the couch and watched a lot of TV. I figure now that I'm a parent, it's easier to do those things than lay on the couch hearing, "Come on!" and "Waaah!" from a 2-yr old while trying to rest.

Maybe I should have a blog dedicated to stories of the stupid things I do

I’m listening to the radio now (headphones plugged in all the way) and I heard a song that I liked but didn’t recognize so I went to the station’s website and looked at their status bar showing what song is currently playing. Alas, it just said, “More of Washington’s best music coming up!” Hello, doesn’t a computer keep that thing up to date with what their computer playback is playing? I reloaded the page a few times and got no further info.

A couple of minutes later, I was listening to a commercial and I recognized the DJ’s voices but they were on the wrong station. Then I realized that I wasn’t listening to the station whose website I referenced. The nerve of them not to tell me what song was playing on somebody else’s station!

How to make friends with your officemate

Shortly after moving into my new office I decided to listen to the radio. I plugged my cheap headphones into the jack and turned on the radio. I didn’t hear anything so I turned up the volume and fiddled with the position of the wires (that’s how you get cheap headphones to work.) Not even hearing any crackly static, I turned the volume up louder. I was able to hear the music faintly so I turned it up some more but then realized the sound wasn’t coming from the headphones but from the radio speakers. My officemate was glad to know that instead of trying to blast him out of the office with my radio I was just being dense and I hadn’t plugged the headphones in far enough.

First bedtime without us

Last night Andy and I both went to our bible study meeting and Elesa stayed with Kevin and put him to bed. That was Kevin’s first night since being with us that he went to bed without either of us. He was surprisingly clingy yesterday afternoon so we were concerned that he’d take awhile to calm down when we left but Elesa reported that he cried for about 2 minutes and then was fine. He wasn’t happy-go-lucky for awhile, but he eventually was and the whole bedtime routine went smoothly. Elesa suggested that it was so smooth that next time we can just leave him alone and call at specified intervals to tell him when it’s time to brush his teeth, get dressed, read, and lay down. He'll take care of everything else himself.

That's my photo!

I just confirmed that a large postcard style handout containing a calendar of the sermons at our church from January through March has a photo on it that *I* took. How cool is that?!

Granted, someone doctored up the coloring, but I understand that. Here is the undoctored version (I wouldn't know how to doctor a photo if my life depended on it.)

 

A Recent Picture of Flash

Flash enjoying the blanket crocheted for Kevin by a member of our church. November 2004 

Thoughts during the shock of Flash's death

I don't have the time or energy to write anything eloquent so I'm just going to throw together a list of notes about what went through our minds (mine in particular) during the time close to Flash's unexpected, untimely, and instantaneous death.

• What if it was Kevin? Andy? Me? How much harder to be shocked by a person’s death than a pet’s
  
• My high cholesterol numbers
  
• Maybe he was too stressed out by Kevin’s presence and it weakened his heart
  
• When Sprite (my previous cat of 19 years) died, I missed her but I wanted to get another cat more because I wanted someone/something to love, nurture, and take care of. Flash filled that void. Now that Flash is gone, I don’t have the same void - I miss Flash but I have someone else to fill the need for mothering. Getting another cat or some other pet would probably be more for Kevin than either Andy or me.
  
• Amazed by amount of shock and grief and yet ability to retard chaos so that Kevin wasn’t thrown off kilter.
  
• Thinking of how to tell Kevin what happened - he doesn’t understand the necessary language and anything he would understand might create fear - “Flash is sick/hurt, going to doctor - he can’t come home with us.” What will Kevin think the next time he has to go to the doctor?
  
• Andy: Flash was a transition pet - learned to handle being woken up, having responsibilities, greedy attention needs, etc. His job was done, God says we’re ok with Kevin.
  
• Probably more than coincidence that it occurred during the 30 minutes that we were all at home together that day
  

Interesting post on grace

Here is an interesting post at www.alittlepregnant.com on grace by a woman who doesn't believe in God as I do. Warning: contains foul language.

Our cat died tonight

Our cat died suddenly tonight. It's amazing what thoughts have been running through our minds since it happened. I'll probably post something about it later.

This is why we were against the family bed idea

Don’t say, "I told you so" or "Duh, what did you think would happen?" I, too, knew it was coming. I just tried to pretend it wouldn’t happen because I really, really, really hoped it wouldn’t. But it did.

Kevin got out of bed at 4:00 am and failed to understand why he wasn’t allowed in our bed. You see, 2-yr olds can’t tell time and barely understand the concept of time (Kevin often says "Not now" but I think that means "Please, no, don’t ever make me do that" rather than "Not now, but later.") All he knew was that for the past few days when he got up, he was allowed to sleep all snug and comfy between Mama and Papa for a bit longer. Then, suddenly, that was against the rules and he had to return to his cold, lonely room. And there was no reason for it!

I thought my Tuesdays and Thursdays were long days because I get up at 5:30 - turns out that today will be even longer as I only slept about 10 minutes since 4:00 am and I wasn’t in my bed at the time.

I'm sorry. See, the thing is...

Why do my apologies always start with a heartfelt "I'm sorry" but continue with "but...." or "You see, the thing is..."?

Do they offer finders' fees?

I'm quoted and listed on our adoption agency's website (World Partners Adoption) as a referral because we recently completed our adoption (Kevin's picture is included - isn't he adorable?) I also listed myself on a large adoption forum as a reference for our agency. I never expected to receive 20-25 requests for information in the 4 months that we've been home! It's pretty crazy although I love our agency and I'm happy to provide them with good references to people who are searching for an agency. Plus, I get to relive our process each time I answer someone's email. I don't have a form letter, although I may have to write one if this keeps up ;-) I answer each one separately and sometimes the people ask very detailed questions that really make me recall our paperwork process, decision processes, and our trip to Guatemala. I enjoy thinking back on all of those things. I just finished typing up what I think is my longest response yet. Phew!

We swore against a family bed

Long before Kevin arrived home, we decided that we'd do all we could to keep Kevin out of our bed at night. If he had serious attachment issues then we would've made concessions, of course, but that didn't turn out to be necessary. Instead we put him in his own bed in his own room and for awhile I slept on the floor in there. Then we graduated to staying in his room until he fell asleep. Then we graduated to only one of us staying in his room until he fell asleep. Now we've really graduated to letting him fall asleep on his own. When he gets up in the middle of the night, I still stay with him awhile but I try not to sleep in there (sometimes I sleep on the floor when he's up in the middle of the night so that I don't sit there wasting my precious sleep time while he's trying to fall back to sleep.)

Late last week we discovered something really nice - an hour of having "family bed" in the morning. For the past few days when Kevin woke up at 6:00 and we weren't ready to get up, we picked him up and laid him between us in our bed. Surprisingly, he fell back asleep! He didn't thrash around, he just rolled a little bit and moved an arm and a leg here and there. Those moments gave me the chance to wake up slowly and doze off a few times before getting out of bed. I can't stress how wonderful it has been to not be woken up suddenly and then be expected to get out of bed and be 100% "on" all within about 30 seconds.

The past few days this has been really nice because he came to our bed around 6:00 am and then he was ready to officially get up for the day around 7:00, which is a great time for me, personally.

I won't mention the fact that he was up from 11:45pm - 2:00am on Friday night and that he didn't nap on Saturday and his meal schedule has gone awry. I'll just hope that he had a few weird days and that the 1-hr morning family bed will continue to work on days that it is convenient for all of us and that the rest of his schedule will resume some normalcy starting today (it's 3:30 pm and so far, so good.)

Reasons why I should lay off of Kevin sometimes

I get pretty annoyed with Kevin when he spills his milk, knocks things over, or runs into walls because he’s not watching where he’s going. I know in my mind that a lot of these things are just part of the natural course of his learning process. However, I still get annoyed and angry. Then I find myself doing things that make me wonder how I have any right to get annoyed with him.

Last week in Wal-Mart I was deciding on which type of same-price hair conditioner to buy. I figured the smell was the biggest difference so I opened them both up to take a whiff. When I gave the second bottle a slight squeeze to let some of the air out to smell it, a dollop of conditioner popped out and landed right under my nose!

Tonight I was leaving the basement while Andy was down there and I pretended to kick one of Kevin’s balls. Then I decided to kick it backward toward Andy and instead of pretending to kick it against the steps in front of me (which I didn’t actually do because it would’ve made a loud noise), it nailed the baseboard radiator (making a really loud crash) and then bounced off and hit the cat.

I can’t help but laugh at myself when things like this happen yet I get annoyed when they happen to Kevin. I need to realize that at least Kevin has the excuse that he’s still learning the laws of physics.

Where a kid can be a kid scared

On Monday we're going to Chuck E. Cheese's for a nephew's birthday party. When I told Andy about it his first question was, "Hmm... I wonder how Kevin will do with large stuffed animals that dance?" This is a good question as we've seen Kevin quite afraid of puppets. Granted, he's not afraid of finger puppets, just the kind that go over your whole hand, even if it's someone as fun as Elmo. I do wonder how Kevin will do with large stuffed animals that dance.

I need a 3-day weekend to recover

So I played volleyball last night from 7:30 pm - 12:30 am. Yup, 5 hours. There were some breaks in the action while we waited to play between games, but that may have actually made it harder now that I'm getting older (stiffness sets in pretty quick these days.) After about 5 hours of sleep (which is not nearly enough for me even on a good day) I got out of bed when Kevin did and my body was still tired.

Kevin and I headed to the Baltimore Zoo this morning and left Andy to enjoy some peace and quiet at home. Kevin seemed nonchalant about seeing the polar bears, snowy owl, ravens, and arctic foxes in person, but then once he got out of his stroller and learned he could find is own best vantage point and make me move faster by running ahead of me, he was pretty excited to see some more animals (which included a cheetah, a penguin, giraffees, chimps, lemurs, various birds, etc.) The walking around didn't hurt my feet as bad as I thought it would but perhaps I was just fooling myself so that I wouldn't be miserable.

This afternoon Andy played with Kevin so I laid on the couch for a little bit and dozed off. When I woke up, things really started to hurt. The soreness is setting in and every muscle fiber is resisting movement.

Tomorrow I have to play volleyball for my league. It's gonna be ugly. I'll be in the prime of soreness at game time even though I've been popping Advil since I got home last night.

Just a few reasons why I love my husband

1. Tonight I'm going to The Volleyball House to play some drop-in volleyball. Not just some, actually, but *5* hours. I'm going to come home at midnight exhausted, smelly and talkative. And I'm going courtesy of the gift certificate that Andy gave me for Christmas.
   
   
2. Last night in bed, I was reading and Andy picked his head up off the pillow to say, "I left the Spanish kids' CD in the player in the van." This is so that I would know when getting into the van today to turn the music down immediately so that I wouldn't have to listen to the CD all day. Not that the Spanish kids' CD is a bad thing, but once you start Kevin on his music, you can't make it stop (we usually save it for later in the day or near the end of trips.)
   
   
3. When I complain about not being able to keep up with the cleaning and laundry and getting all of my work hours in each week Andy says, "I could live with every room looking like this" while pointing to the large pile of paper scraps and buttons that Kevin has strewn around our feet.
   
   

In case you’re looking for me

For some reason, my best friend from kindergarten popped into my mind last night. His name is Chad and he left our elementary school, I think to attend a private school. Either way, we lost touch (easy to do when you’re 5 years old and you’re afraid to use the telephone and you’re not allowed to cross the street.)

So today I Googled his name and I was shocked to find out that not only did he never move away but his family owns a large business in Baltimore that he now works for and he lives nearby. I also saw pictures of him on a sports-related website. Funny thing is that all I remembered about how he looked was his hair and - by gum - I could tell it was him in his photo 20-some years later by that same hair.

It’s harder to successfully look up women that you knew when you were younger because their names usually change when they get married. So in case anyone has good intentions about looking me up (if you have bad intentions then just ignore that you found this page) my name used to be Dianne Depuy. That little piece of text may be my ticket to all sorts of long-lost friends finding me through Google.

Or I may just find out that nobody is looking me up on the Web with nearly the intense curiosity that I seem to have for looking up everyone that I’ve ever known.

Site tracking

I have a free sitemeter account for tracking visitor statistics on this blog. One of the most interesting features (there would be others if I were to pay for them) is the list of visitors "by referral." Most of the time there is no information given but when someone reaches my blog by way of a search at Google or Yahoo (for example), then I can see what search terms they used to find me.

Apparently a lot of people outside of the US (mostly from Germany) find my blog through Google's image search feature. I don't know what about the names of my image files is so search-worthy but it's interesting to see how we all come together. The file that seems to get the most hits? One of Beth and myself when we donated our hair to Locks of Love 2 years ago. The intriguing name of the file? Before-Both.jpg. If that puts you on the edge of your seat, just wait until I post the one titled Before-AllThree.jpg.

How to increase your personal or company productivity

Have the company doing construction outside of your office building cut through the fiber optic cable that connects your users' desktops to the internet. Do not damage the lines that service your production-level applications which your clients access nor any inside lines that connect your employees' desktops to resources on the local area network.

Do not start any rogue processes that fork out of control rendering 85% of all development-level processes inoperable. At this point with no work to do and no access to the internet, your employees may turn psychotic.

Ash Wednesday

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday which is the beginning of Lent, the season leading up to Easter. Lent is a time of penitence which continues through Holy Week including Good Friday, the "celebration" of Jesus' crucifixion and then to Easter when we celebrate Jesus' victory over death when he rose from his tomb.

The church I attend is a "low church." We don't often sing hymns, people wear whatever they want, there is no organ, we have no stained glass windows, we don't follow a denomination's rites/rules/rituals or liturgy and our leaders aren't ordained. Our Founding/Senior/Lead/Teaching pastor didn't attend seminary (although he is a featured speaker at many seminaries these days.)

Last night some members of our bible study group went to an Ash Wednesday service at a local Episcopal church. It was the first Ash Wednesday service I've ever attended. It was the first time I've received ashes on my forehead as a symbol of my life coming from and returning to ashes.

I moved forward to the wooden fence in front of the altar and knelt down and closed my eyes. When the reverend touched my forehead with the ashes I felt something powerful. I think it was because I've never been physically touched by someone who has been ordained as a "holy person." Maybe that's not the right description to use, but my point is just that I felt like I was in the presence of holiness at that moment and it was something new to me (that's not to say that I haven't felt like I was in God's presence before, but this was different.)

I'm glad that we went and I'm glad that Kevin behaved and remained quiet during the service. It gave us the chance to observe and be part of the service and not just spend all of our attention trying to keep him quiet and occupied.

And I'm glad that our friends came over to our house afterward to eat pizza and chat :-)

Of course our son is smart

People have been telling us over the past 4 months that Kevin is smart. Of course we know this. Last night he displayed his intelligence in a grand manner.

He wanted to get something off his bookcase and it was a couple of inches out of his reach. He bounced around pretending to try to reach it and then asked for help. Andy and I were both sitting in the room and Andy suggested to Kevin that he get the (small, plastic, lightweight) step stool so he could reach.

Kevin followed the direction very well - he picked up the stool, carried it over to the book case, and swung it over his head trying to knock the object off the top of the book case with it.

This continued for about 30 seconds until Andy and I composed ourselves enough to be able to say, "Perhaps you should stand on the stool."

Someday...

...I plan to

• watch the Tour de France in person
  
• run in the Title 9 Sports Mother's Day Title 9K race
  
• become a vegetarian
  
• race in another duathlon or two
  
• cruise the Sea of Cortes
  

among other things.

Some big steps need to be forced

We just put Kevin to bed for the first time without one of us staying in there with him. We haven't been sleeping with him, but one of us would sit or lay on the floor next to his bed until he fell asleep. Tonight we sent Kevin into the scary world of falling asleep on his own.

His bedtime routine was becoming longer and longer because he would ask for water ("No, Kevin, you already had a drink"), [Winnie the] Pooh books ("No Kevin, you dropped them on the floor and we're not picking them up"), horse/cow ("No, Kevin, you pushed horse/cow behind the bed"), and all sorts of other things. Perhaps this is because his language skills are improving but we figured that he'd stop taking an hour to fall asleep if he didn't have an audience. Also, I'm hoping that this will cut back on his nighttime visits to our room. Granted, he doesn't wake up and come in every night, but when he does, it's very difficult on me. I expect he'll wake up sometimes and need comforting, but the past two nights he wanted me to sleep in his bed with him when he woke up. I'm sure it's obvious that's not the most comfortable way to sleep. It's no surprise that children who learn to fall asleep on their own are able to do so during the night as well.

We used the technique of "controlled crying" in which we put him to bed awake and left the room. He screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed some more and after about 3 minutes, we went back in to reassure him that we were still there and then we left the room again. More screaming and crying and screaming and crying (and Kevin was pretty loud, too) and we waited 5 minutes to go in again. Then we waited 10 minutes to go in the next time and 15 the following time. After about 35 minutes total, Kevin was asleep. He had stopped crying prior to that and would start up again every time we went back in, but we still felt it was good to let him know that we were there and would be available should he need us. We also made sure to be close to his room making noise like walking around, talking, etc. so that he knew we weren't completely leaving him (beyond his door, anyway.)

We're fortunate that we're able to attempt this because this should only be used with children who have a strong, healthy attachment to their parents. We feel secure with Kevin's attachment to us and because of that, this process should help him instead of hurt him (despite the wailing in the short-term.)

We are hoping he'll only feel distressed by this for a few days and then he'll have learned that he's safe and able to fall asleep on his own. That'll give us more time at night after he goes to bed that we can do things before we go to bed. Maybe we'll catch some more TV and do some more scrapbooking and beading. Wow... that sounds really nice.

Andy thinks I'm a geek but I'm really not

If I was a geek, I would've known when asked multiple times, "Are you sure you don't have another firewall installed on your machine?" to answer, "Yes, there are 2 besides the one I'm trying to install now" rather than saying, "No, of course not. I never installed a firewall on here."

And I would've known when asked, "How many network cards are in your computer?" to not answer that I only have the one I went out and purchased when, in fact, there is a built-in network card I could've been using all along PLUS the one that I went out and purchased.

And if I was a geek I would've known when told to "Boot in safe mode and check that you have Administrator privileges" not to answer with, "I most certainly should have Administrator privileges, I'm the only user! And what does it mean to boot in safe mode?"

Kevin's Mama, Great Gram (this is my grandmother who passed away 2 weeks ago) and Grandma  

Kevin's Great Grandma, Grandpa and Papa enjoying a lift-the-flap book. 

Happy 4-Month Anniversary

This time I know that I’m a day late. Our "4-months together as a family" anniversary was actually yesterday. Alas, yesterday I was not in front of the computer much as we were at Wal-Mart, the library, and visiting coworkers at my office.

Yesterday Kevin embarked on a milestone adventure of epic proportions (hyperbole? I think not.) I cleaned the oven after breakfast and Kevin was in the living room ALL BY HIMSELF the entire time. And that made it so much easier for me to spend specific play time with him afterward. And then, after dinner, even while Andy was home (realize here that Andy is a god to our little Kevin and when Andy is around, nobody else exists in Kevin’s world) Kevin went downstairs without us. That’s not just in another room, that’s practically in another galaxy. He sat at the bottom of the basement steps with some animals, balls and trucks piled around him and he played. I have no idea what he played even though I snuck a peek at him at one point. Can you understand the freedom that was gifted to us yesterday? It was incredible.

He has also started talking to himself. Many kids talk to the TV or their books or stuffed animals, but Kevin never did until now. It is the cutest thing. All that he seems to say at this point is numbers - he enjoys counting most everything. He doesn’t have the first 10 numbers down pat yet but he’s clearly getting there. What we tend to hear when he does talk to himself goes something like this, "doo, dix, debben, dix, debben, nine, dix, debben..." which is "two, six, seven, six, seven, nine, six, seven..." when you can’t pronounce "s" sounds at the beginnings of words yet.

Thinking back to what changes Kevin has made and what he has learned over the past few months is incredible. Here are some of the ones I can think of at the moment:

• taking a bath is no longer a scream-fest
  
• his plate of food doesn’t get shoved in a fit of anger 10 times during every meal
  
• he can put 3 words together and ask for things like, “more milk, please”
  
• he says “Thank You” at home with a big smile on his face without prompting
  
• the outdoors is fun instead of scary
  
• not only can he dance, he can sing
  
• he can watch us cooking dinner without crying to have food immediately
  
• he falls asleep in bed and not only in our arms
  
• he eats like a horse but not like a horse with a tapeworm