Let's just buy the Hummer and be done with selling out

I would say, "We’d NEVER buy a Hummer!" (what with their wastefulness on so many levels) but then I’ve also said, "I’ll never pay to have my child’s hair done at Cartoon Cuts!" and look what happened.

Then there is my disdain for those silly shoes that light up. Remember when they first came out from BK Knights for teenagers? At least I think that’s what they were. Maybe I’m wrong, I never had a pair. Anyway, every kid seems to have them now and they fly in the face of our idea of trying to trim Kevin’s sensory overload in our culture and all of the hoopla about having to have the newest and craziest gadgets.

So guess what we came home from Kohl’s with today? No, not a pair of silly shoes that light up. Something much, much better. I even apologized to Andy before he saw them. They are snow boots which don’t only light up on the bottoms, but they shoot lights up the sides, too! And have I ever mentioned that we’re trying to limit the branded characters that Kevin falls in love with and wears on his clothes and such? Well, we are. And these snazzy boots have on them, smack dab in the center of the front... Elmo.

At least they were entertaining for a short while tonight - we turned off all the lights and Kevin's dancing feet treated us to a laser light show without the cost of a Pink Floyd concert ticket.

"Papa, you have frosting on your nose"

The Bible says that Jesus instructs us not to attempt to remove a piece of sawdust from another’s eye without first taking the plank out of our own. Do you think this extends to cupcake frosting smeared across one’s face, hair, hands, and arms while pointing to the small dot of frosting on someone else’s nose with such fervor a bystander might think the poor guy’s nose was on fire rather than dabbed with chocolate?

Jesus was born

One of the reasons we chose to adopt children is that I have no desire to be pregnant or deliver a child. It's not something my body or mind has ever felt inclined to do. In fact, I find pregnancy pretty darn disgusting. Of course you can imagine my opinion of labor and delivery.

As usually happens this time of year, Mary’s delivery of Jesus in a stable was mentioned in church on Sunday. I’ve thought before about that and I realize that it was not the cozy, comfortable and idyllic scene that is often portrayed. It was a birth. Spare me the details.

Or at least I thought I could be spared the details. What struck me on Sunday while thinking of Jesus’s birth was Kevin’s birth. Although I did not carry and deliver him, he was carried and delivered. And while I place his birthmother at the top of the list of people important to Kevin, I never thought about her pregnancy and delivery. Until Sunday, I thought (or just maybe never thought) that was ok, but now I don’t think so.

Happy Birthday to one-half of Teamdandy

Happy Birthday, Andy! I know that I forgot to say "Happy Birthday" this morning, but that is why I made sure to say it last night before going to sleep.

Before the rest of you (the "rest" of you - as if Andy will read this - ha!) think that I'm a terrible wife (well, maybe I am) we celebrated his birthday last night because I'll be at work today and won't be home until after 6:00. So, I made his requested dinner for him last night and we had cupcakes for dessert. That is probably why the birthday thing slipped my mind this morning - I already had it done and off the To Do list by this point ;-)

I Never Thought I'd...

• ...drink water with food in it from someone else's backwash
  
• ...eat food that was previously in someone else's mouth
  
• ...be proud of myself for not reacting while my child screams in a public place because he doesn't get his way
  
• ...waste post-it notes by letting someone scribble all over them, one note at a time (this is for you, Kirsten!)
  
• ...sing "The Wheels On The Bus" out loud 5 times in a row, every day
  
• ...dance in my living room at night with the drapes open
  
• ...learn to wake up in the middle of the night to a whimpering child without getting angry
  
• ...take photos of crayon artwork on the toilet and walls
  

How'd that happen?

It's a good thing I don't have to dress up for work. I arrived at the office this morning sporting Kevin's after-breakfast-snack on my shoulder and a return address label on my stomach. It would've been nicer had I noticed as soon as I got here.

We're preparing Kevin for his first snow by showering him with styrofoam peanuts. 

Cartoon Cuts sell-out

We never thought we'd do it, but we did. We took Kevin to Cartoon Cuts last night and dropped a wad of cash on a haircut. I'll admit that it looks really cute and he did very well, only crying a couple of times. He looked scared, but he handled the situation with bravery. I think the television in front of him helped.

Handbell Choir

A local handbell choir played at our church yesterday morning. I enjoy listening to handbells, but what I really enjoy is playing them. Yesterday I tried to figure out why.

In eighth grade, I was allowed to start playing the flute. Before that, I competed in gymnastics which took up all of my time and cost my parents a fair amount of money. So, once I quit gymnastics, I was allowed to do all of the other things my friends were doing that I never could (softball, soccer, musical instruments, etc.) I’d always wanted to play the flute and I was a quick study to catch up to my peers’ abilities because I wanted it so much.

When a couple of my friends started talking about handbell rehearsal in high school, I didn’t even know what handbells were (I didn’t grow up going to church, which is where it seems that most handbell performances take place. Also, my family isn’t musically inclined and we didn’t gravitate toward anything but popular music on the radio.) I came along to their rehearsal and since I finally knew how to read music, I was able to participate. It was soooo much fun. I was a pretty good sight reader and I played the high notes, sometimes being the one to shake or jingle the bell, which always catches the listeners’ attention.

In the school band, the flute section tends to be large and, for most arrangements, the flutes help to carry the melody of the music. At home, I would play my flute most every day because I enjoyed it so much. I had a few books of popular music and I had my private lesson studies to play. I had a number of duets available, too, but nobody to play with on a regular occasion so I would tape record myself playing one part and then play it back to play the other part live. It was so much fun to try to combine my playing with something more than or bigger than myself. When playing duets, either part is not complete without the other. Such is the case with handbells.

You don’t ever hear of a handbell player giving a performance. You always see and hear handbell choirs. This is because you can’t physically play a handbell song by yourself! The few notes that you’re responsible for in any one song are just a small part of something so much more grand and beautiful, made possible only by the inclusion of so many other bell ringers.

While I always enjoyed playing the flute and piano (when I took a class in college) nothing compares to the feeling I get when watching a handbell choir and remembering how it felt to play my few notes in the midst of everyone else playing their few notes to put together beautiful music that wouldn’t exist without everyone involved.

2 * Introvert + Toddler = The need for silence

Last night Kevin and I went to the mall for a few hours. This was no shopping trip, mind you. I’m not much of a shopper and Kevin’s idea of shopping is touching everything that isn’t his and riding up and down the escalator for half an hour.

Last night’s trip to the mall had the sole purpose of providing Andy some time at home by himself. You see, he and I are both introverts. He’s on the far end of the scale, otherwise known as “Hermithood” and I’m in the middle - not the middle of the whole Introvert/Extrovert scale, but in the middle of the Introvert side. This makes parenting difficult because in order to regroup and reenergize, we basically need to take care of Kevin separately - we rarely play with Kevin together, although we try to. But, we know that it’s best for our souls and therefore our selves as parents to get some time away in order to be better parents when we are in the thick of things.

On Monday, Andy hit the wall. If parenting was a sport, you could say that he bonked (bonking is glucose depletion of the muscles such that the body shuts down and can’t ride/run/whatever until more fuel is processed.) Our weekend calendar is full for the next month, as is usually the case in December, so he felt no hope of refueling on alone-time. I decided he needed at least a short respite before we can schedule a longer one so I took Kevin out for the evening. Andy came home to an empty house and we didn’t break the peace until 7:30.

Grudge Match

I’m an expert at holding grudges. I know it’s not appropriate in most cases (if any) but I can’t seem to shake that ability from my skillset. I had no idea how much this would affect my parenting.

When Kevin does something that really gets under my skin (usually something he does that he knows he shouldn’t do) I get angry. Then I can’t let go of it to be all nice and smiley when he comes back at me with his cheesy grin. He can do all sorts of cute and wonderful things but I can’t get the grudge over what he did a minute or ten ago out of my heart that easily.

This is something I definitely need to work on.

Phases

I'm learning that kids go through a lot of phases. Some are short, some are long, but many of the bad (or at least annoying) ones seem to go away on their own in whatever time they need. I really like that.

Take, for instance, Kevin's need to wear shoes ALL THE TIME. This includes wearing shoes to bed. We don't like for him to have them on all night so we take them off after he falls asleep. If you were to watch us do this, you'd think that we were disabling a bomb - but in reality we're just trying not to wake him up. Last week, we began waiting until bed time to change Kevin into his bed clothes (that in itself is another phase which he has outgrown... he used to refuse to wear pajamas) and redirecting him when he vehemently asked for his shoes. Surprisingly, it worked! This week, he doesn't even ask for his shoes at bed time anymore. I really didn't think we'd get past this phase so quickly.

Kevin used to throw his napkin on the floor during meals. This is a phase that did not go away on its own but is an example of how perfect parenting will produce perfectly behaved children (if you're not a parent, you may not catch on to my sarcasm.) Anyway, we've taught Kevin that he gets nowhere by throwing his napkin on the floor in a fit of anger. Another phase that has come and gone.

I'm learning to put so many annoying things that Kevin does into perspective now that I realize he changes his behaviors on a fairly regular basis. It's nice to know that even the longest phases are still phases that will probably go away on their own. That's a relief when he picks up his hairbrush before bed every night now and has to brush everybody's hair (not very well, mind you) a few times before getting into bed (and he screams without it, at which point I realize, "Hey, it's just a hair brush and it's only about 2 minutes worth of time and it's really just annoying, it's not hurting anyone.")

I know, I know - most of you are wondering where the really annoying or harmful stuff comes in. I mean, really - shoes to bed and using a hairbrush? Come on, those are probably good things! Well, these are just some examples. Don't fret - there are worse things going on around here while you're not looking :-)

Kevin's new bike helmet for use with his tricycle and (hopefully soon) a trailer attached to my bike for trips to the grocery store and playground. 

Thanksgiving Therapy and Preparing to Return to Work

Last Wednesday our bible study group celebrated Thanksgiving together. It was the first time in a long time that Andy and I (and Kevin) had been together with our group. Keep in mind that these are all our best friends - it's not like these are people we see once a week, say Hi, and leave. No, our lives are intertwined in true community.

You can imagine the catharsis I experienced in telling my friends in person about our new jobs as parents. For some reason, I had a lot of negative things to say that night. But you know what? On Thursday morning, I felt great. I had no idea that expressing the challenges I felt would so positively affect me. The next two days with Kevin were grand - I was happy and full of energy and I really enjoyed being his mom all day long. I didn't get more sleep than usual, more exercise, or anything else. I really feel that it was due to telling some of my closest friends that parenting was very trying and I wasn't sure I was supposed to have done it that made me feel so much better.

So, any of you reading this who are those friends that I complained to that night, look out, because I'll be back to tell more the next time my spirit sinks ;-)

---

I return to my job next Tuesday. I'll work Tuesdays and Thursdays in the office and then in January, I'll start adding 4 additional hours per week from home. I was looking forward to this a couple of weeks ago but I'm not so sure I'm gonna like it now. On Sunday evening I told my boss the following regarding my return to work: "Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and playing ultimate frisbee [during lunch], but that's about it." Then I stopped and said, "Wait a minute... were you asking me whether I'm looking forward to coming back to the office as my friend or my boss?" D'oh!

Fortunately, I am friends with my boss and he understood my feelings and didn't mind that I'd said it. He said he felt the same way about my return - that he'd love to see me stay home but that he'll be happy to have me back in the office just to be around and to play ultimate frisbee. What a guy!

I'll have to start preparing for the "babysitter" this weekend. I need to make sure that there's something for lunch in the fridge and that I make a list of all of the important phone numbers (the most important being the number to the phone on my desk at work :-) I'll have to get up earlier than I have in awhile to get myself ready before getting Kevin ready in the morning. Our friend who will take care of Kevin will come to our house instead of us going to hers for awhile, so that'll make the transition easier on our family. Kevin won't have to nap in a strange place and I won't have to have Kevin completely fed and dressed by the time she arrives (I'll try to, but I won't stress myself out over it.)

---

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!

We're glad that Kevin likes to eat apples as much as we do and run through the fields at the orchard.  

Is it a revelation if you already knew it but forgot?

On Sunday, I was cranky. I thought I'd had enough of Kevin and needed a break from him. But I was cranky with Andy, too. So maybe I needed a break from the whole family. I went to my volleyball game in the evening and continued to be cranky. I was very excited to be there and playing but it wasn't a very taxing game and afterward I was in an even worse mood. On the way home, it hit me... what made me cranky before I was a mother can still make me cranky now that I'm a mother and it's not related to being a mother!

When I don't exercise, I can get in a really foul mood. It's the kind of mood that nothing can cheer up - not chocolate cake, not a really funny joke, not time alone. Nothing makes me feel better except to exercise. And I don't mean that I need to take a walk or follow Kevin around the house a few extra times in a day. I need to really work hard and fill my muscles with lactic acid. Granted, it doesn't take much to do that these days as I haven't been exercising regularly :-)

Sunday evening on my way home from volleyball, I knew that I couldn't go home and be in a good mood. I couldn't imagine facing Andy and Kevin and any of our usual antics with any sort of cheer in my attitude. So I pulled into the elementary school down the street, parked at the end of the dark lot, stepped out into the brisk air and started to run. I ran laps around the parking lot. It felt like heaven. I had to stop and walk a few times, but as soon as I caught my breath, I started to run again. My legs and arms pumped, my heart pumped, and all kinds of good chemicals were spreading their way into my brain. I smiled. And it was a lasting smile, not the kind that I can force onto my face while gritting my teeth behind it. I was joyous.

What else is there to write about?

I haven't written regular posts in awhile. The reason is that I have nothing to talk about except for Kevin and as intriguing as that is to me, I'm sure that it's not all that exciting to most other people. I have kept a bit of a journal every few days of what he's up to, but I can't think of anything to write a blog post about. I'll come up with something, although if you're bored of reading about Kevin, you'll want to stop right here :-)

Kevin is in that stage of big developmental changes. There are a lot of things that he knew before he joined our family, but he's now starting to learn some things that we've tought him. For instance, he says, "Excuse me" when he burps. Actually, he says, "Mee mee" but we get the point. He's learned to jump with both feet in the air since coming home, although that's fairly natural and probably isn't from anything that we've done. Now he's learning to name the parts of his body, albeit in Spanish. He can do a few animal noises such as Meow, Woof woof, and Cock-a-doodle-doo. He does some others but not with complete comprehension. For instance, I showed him that a rabbit wiggles its nose and when I show him a picture of a rabbit, he'll wiggle his nose. But, when I ask him without a picture what a rabbit does, he says, "Ribbit" like a frog. He's learning to make elephant sounds with his arm pretending to be a trunk and that is funny because he looks more like he's wiping his nose on his shirt sleeve than swinging his trunk.

We've had a few playdates with various friends and family members and he appears to be getting more comfortable with meeting new people. He's still very shy but when there is only one or two new people to meet at a time, he warms up to them faster than he used to. He's been in Sunday School class the past 2 weeks and he cries to begin with, but then he's fine. It's nice to not be distracted during the church service or feel like he's distracting everyone else.

He has also spent some time alone with our friend who will take care of him the days that I'm at work starting after Thanksgiving. I think this situation will work out well and I'm very excited that we didn't have to search far and wide to find the right fit for him. If you ask me whether I'm excited to go back to work or not, my answer will depend on the day. Plus, each day I feel more settled to the point that I can branch out and get more things done at home, so I'm more comfortable in the role of stay-at-home Mom than I was a few weeks ago. But, there are advantages to me going back to work also, and I think that it'll be good for me. We'll see how it goes - if I can't stand it, I'll take a leave of absence. I expect it'll work out, though, but I won't count my chickens before they hatch, so to speak.

Terrible Mother Award

I admit it, I win the Terrible Mother Award for the week.

Kevin hasn't been sleeping through the night recently and it's been hard on us after we were treated to very nice sleeping patterns since our return home. Every night last week Kevin woke up and cried at least once and we tried various ways to help him get back to sleep. We didn't want to just let him "cry it out" as he needs to be secure in knowing that we are here for him and will provide what he needs. We're still trying to figure out where the line is between needing to provide security and needing to let him get through things on his own, but we knew that we didn't want to leave him by himself in the middle of the night.

Anyway, fast forward to last night. We shut Kevin's door when he falls asleep and we go about our business of getting things done around the house. We head to bed and - whoops! - I forget to open Kevin's bedroom door before getting in bed myself. I didn't realize this, however, until 5:30 this morning. Andy and I discussed at that point whether to open the door then or wait until it was time to get up for church and we decided to wait. We would hear him if he rattled the doorknob or cried to be let out.

At 7:00 am, I checked on him before taking my shower. D'oh! He wasn't in bed. There he was, curled up on the floor. He was sleeping soundly, but I could only feel terrible at the thought of him waking up scared in the middle of the night, sliding out of his bed, trying the doorknob and realizing he was locked in, and then being unable to get back into bed himself. Poor thing!

I'm sure you parents out there realize that he was no worse for wear this morning once he woke up. He smiled within 2 minutes of opening his eyes and he had a joyful day, not apparently holding any grudges against either Andy or myself. I won't tell him for a few years that it is usually my job to open his door before getting in bed ;-)

I know that most kids are pretty resilient, but Kevin continues to surprise me with how resilient he really is. He's been through a lot that most kids don't have to go through and he comes out smiling on the other side every time.

Flash, the "Handsome Mouser" 

I didn't even realize we had a mouse...

...let alone a whole family (or at least a whole neighborhood) of them! Our cat, Flash, great mouser that he is, has found a few of the little critters in our house lately. Tonight while eating dinner, we heard some squeaking and Flash's collar jingling. Funny thing was that Flash doesn't have any squeaky toys. So, I sent Andy to find out what was going on. Hey, I took care of the freshly dead body last night, it was his turn. Anyway, it appeared that Flash had a mouse in his mouth at the time he ventured upstairs and we heard him. Then he went back downstairs and must've lost it because Andy saw a mouse scurry into the laundry room when he was trying to figure out what was going on.

I'll admit that I'm proud of Flash. He's an indoor cat so he doesn't get too many chances to hone his hunting skills, but when he needs them, he's got them.

Elesa, I hope you're not reading this. See you next week :-)