A few weeks ago, we thought we were on the verge of traveling to Guatemala to bring Kevin home. For various reasons, that didn't work out. Neither did each day or few days in between then and now when we thought, "This time is it!" Now that we know we're leaving in 2 days (that's the day after tomorrow, for crying out loud!) I can't get very excited.
I thought I was just depressed that we weren't going sooner this week. Then I thought I must have a subconscious thought that things won't work out. Then I wondered if maybe I'm stuffing my feelings down inside so that I can function this week while working and finalizing important details of our trip.
I believe I have the answer now and it's none of the above. I think my excitement level peaked through those other weeks when I thought we were going. Now I have no excitement energy left for the real thing.
Granted, the knots that have started growing in my stomach during the first few hours of my last day at work for awhile are proof that I do have emotions and that I'm going to be hyper about the trip, but I wonder if it won't be more of a nervous anxiety about the details rather than pure excitement of meeting and bringing Kevin home. Well, either way, I'm due for a migraine afterward - my head is an equal-opportunity stress thermometer - good stress, bad stress... it's all stress.