At the doctor's office today....
Doc: What brings you here today?
Me: My ear is bothering me. I have a cold, otherwise, but that in itself isn't a problem.
Doc: Does your ear hurt?
Me: No. It feels and sounds like there is fluid in there. It's bothered me since August but seems worse right now so I thought it might be from my cold.
[usual round of "do you feel dizzy," "what medications are you taking," "does anything make it feel better or worse," etc.]
Doc: Let's take a look. Hmm... I think we can take care of this easily.
Me: Why, what is it?
Me: (inside my head) Ewww! I'm disgusting!
Doc: Do you use Q-tips?
Me: Yes, every day.
Doc: You shouldn't. They push wax farther into your ear canal.
Me: Eww, I have that much wax in my ear??
Doc: Let me get a nurse and we'll clean it out.
Public Service Announcement #1
Did you know that instead of the bulb syringes they used when we were kids they now have a contraption that hooks up to the faucet, has a long tube and a trigger on it? Don't be scared, though, it feels very much like the bulb syringe.
Doc: (speaking to the nurse while both are peering into the cup under my ear) Do you know what that is?
Nurse: I have no idea what that is.
Me: (inside my head) Oh my word, what the heck is it? Something worse than wax? A bug?
Doc: That's the fuzz from a Q-tip.
Doc: Remember what I said about Q-tips?
Me: Right, don't use them inside my ear!
Public Service Announcement #2
When people tell you not to put anything inside your ear canal, don't laugh them off as not knowing what they're talking about because cotton swabs have never caused you any problems. They can and they will.