Thursday, September 15, 2005

Self pity

I don't know whether this is normal for other people or not, but this is how being sick works for me. I might feel a little sick or a lot sick, but I'll keep going like I'm not sick until somebody officially tells me that I'm sick. Then I'm miserable.

To this day I'm still bitter about the lost self-indulgence and pity that I could've had when I had shingles a couple of years ago. Granted, I was miserable even while some doctors were telling me I had a sinus infection, but because it was "just a sinus infection," I kept going to work and doing all of my usual things. Then I found out I had shingles and I thought 1) I knew there was an explanation for my excruciating pain and I wasn't just being a wuss and 2) well NOW I can feel sorry for myself and tell other people about how bad I feel. As if I couldn't tell people had bad it really was when it was "just a sinus infection."

The same thing is happening this week. I've been sick since the end of last week with it getting progressively worse this week. My throat has been sore all day, every day - every time I swallow, it's like I'm swallowing a knife. My skin is prickly and sore all over and I'm tired and cranky. My glands have bulged such that my neck is always painful. However, I still went to work, I still took care of Kevin, I still planned packing for the camping trip and grocery shopping, etc. Then I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with a throat infection of some sort, was told I do have a fever, was told to take both Tylenol and Advil at the same time for the pain, was told to get lots of rest, was told I'd be called if my throat culture shows up some weird strain of something, and was told not to get near to Kevin and by no means should I kiss him.

And now, I'm a sniveling, whimpering shlump of a person. Because now it's official that I'm sick and I can prove it to everybody because the doctor told me so.

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