Or, The Difference Between Contentment and Complacency but it's too long for a title.
I'm having a hard time reconciling the pull to be authentic with others regarding my feelings and opinions while not being a "downer" or "complainer." A recent message at church revolved around being the person in a crowd to make positive comments about others or situations rather than being the one to complain. One of our church's values is (this is quoted from the church website): "We want Cedar Ridge to be real, honest, and genuine, in our people and in our programs."
If I'm going to be genuine, then I'm going to say sometimes "That's a bad idea, I wish it wasn't that way" or even, "I think such-and-such person is not a good fit in the task that they've been given."
The tug-of-war inside me is a stalemate but it is not at rest - both ends are working hard to win. For example, on one end of my rope is the understanding that worship is about God, not me. I should focus on God and not on the external things in my environment. However, at the other end of my rope is the understanding that if those external environmental factors aren't to be an issue, then why does the church even attempt to make an environment of worship with music, singing, dim lights, etc.? That leads me to believe that the church expects that environmental factors can and do affect my worship of God. So why can't I make comments about how those factors affect me negatively? Isn't it genuine of me to do so?
I never expect the church to change because of my opinion (stated or otherwise.) And I don't want to seem like a complainer or someone who comments on how every aspect of the service should be more suited to me (I know some people do that and it is not uplifting to the people working hard to make the church a home for everyone.) But I do feel stunted regarding giving comments about our church service or how the church is being managed or even asking questions about how things work around there.
Church isn't the only place that this is difficult for me. We tend to honor those in our personal circles who seem always in a good mood with never a bad thing to say about how they feel. I agree that this is honorable when it is true. But it seems unrealistic that some people always feel this way. I feel that it dishonors me when people who claim to be close friends never share their difficulties. It's possible that they are sharing them with other people and don't need me for that, which is fine. But if our relationship claims to be based on deep understanding and trust then I want to be trusted with their genuine, authentic feelings. It's difficult for me to be genuine with someone who only wants a one-way street between us. When I'm not genuine I feel superficial. Again, this is fine if that is the way the relationship works and I'm not saying that everyone I come into contact with needs to share their deepest secrets with me (I'd rather they didn't) - but if we're claiming to be in true community or really good friends or however you want to say it, then we need the mutuality of vulnerability.
End rambling. Suffice it to say that I'm torn between how to be genuine and authentic in my relationships (personal and institutional) if I'm not allowed to be honest when I have negative thoughts or feelings.
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