(Un)Welcome to Our Neighborhood

Last night at 11:45 pm, our doorbell rang. We were in bed and I was already asleep. I had a hard time figuring out what was going on and then Andy said, “Doorbell” and then it rang again and cleared my head a little more. We went to the front door and saw a person there so Andy looked through the living room window while a flashlight shown in through the door (causing me to hide in the kitchen so that he wouldn’t be able to see me without me seeing him.) Andy could tell it was a police officer so I opened the door right after he bagged the doorbell idea and started banging his fist on the door.

He asked if we knew that a couple of hours prior our brand-new neighbors had a brick thrown through their back window. What?! We didn’t even know someone had moved in there yet. Apparently they did their final walkthrough at 8 pm and then came back after settlement at 10 pm to find a broken window and a brick in their house. What a horrible thing to find minutes after signing the papers to purchase your new home.

Last night was the most unsafe I’ve ever felt in my own home. This was a real threat, not a threat conjured up by my imagination. I don’t know how people stay in their homes after being burglarized. It was a terrible feeling last night and we weren’t even the people that were violated.

Now we can only hope that the person who did this will be found out and that our new neighbors will feel welcomed by the rest of us despite what happened in the first hours they owned their home here.

I'm glad he's neat and organized, but....

Our almost 3-yr old son won't allow us to put his belongings into his newly-created closet organization system. We put up ClosetMaid shelves and such on Saturday and started to organize his things in there but he keeps pulling out all of the items that weren't previously in his closet and putting them back where they were before. Any attempt to persuade him that the new system really is more organized is met with ferocity. I think I heard him mutter, "For pete's sake, you people are making my life difficult" under his breath.

Quiz

I know this is kinda cheesy but cheesy can be fun, right? Below is a link to a quiz I made.

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

At the zoo

"Look at me with the big kids. I'm so cool!" 

Secret Bunny

I’m used to playing Secret Santa and Secret Pal with friends but I’m not used to receiving anonymous gifts outside of the rules and confines of a group effort! I came to work this morning to find a Cadbury Caramel Egg on my keyboard. “How nice! I wonder who left that for me?” I thought. Then I opened my drawer to put my keys in and, voila! There were 2 more chocolate eggs! The smile spread wider across my face as I imagined someone taking the time to do this for me. Then I grabbed my cup to get some water and - guess what? Another chocolate! This was a special one - a Lindt brand chocolate bunny.

I smiled for 5 straight minutes! But now I can’t figure out who left me the candy and I can’t stand it that I can’t thank someone for it. The first couple of people I asked (believably) answered that they aren’t my Secret Bunny.

Elesa, did you hop up from Guatemala to play this trick on me??

Deep Thoughts

I love these quotes from Saturday Night Live's Jack Handey skit. When I found a list of these today, I couldn't help but include some of my favorites here.

• If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
  
• I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.
  
• Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
  
• Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
  
• To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
  
• When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
  
• When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
  
• I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  
• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
  
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
  
• If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
  

That was more than I intended to include but aren't they worth it?

I'm glad it's only taken 5 months

The boulder has been slowly chiseled away and only a moderate-size piece is left on my chest. And now that the boulder is not pressing all of the air out of my lungs, I can talk about it.

For the past 5 months I have been on the verge of depression. I probably didn’t appear that way but when things were really bad, I wasn’t in public. I think I put on a good face in public.

The first 5 months of parenting have been extremely difficult for me. I’ve felt despair like I’ve never felt before. I literally felt the pressure bearing down on me and I had dizzy spells when it was really bad.

I hated being a parent. It was the worst mistake I’d ever made because not only did my life suck but I brought a child into it not to mention my husband. There was no way out. For all sorts of reasons I wasn’t going to disrupt Kevin’s placement with us but, dear God, did I want to. If during that time I could have gone back in time to the previous year, I never would’ve decided to have a family. It wasn’t that Kevin was so bad (he’s really a saint compared to many kids!) but that I wasn’t meant to be a parent. I wasn’t just a bad parent but every moment I hated it. I’d say that every waking moment I hated it but I hated it in my sleep, too.

Things are better now. I feel lighter and happier and I genuinely laughed at Kevin today. It was so freeing I almost couldn’t stop. I can honestly say that I’ve had enjoyable parenting moments in the past couple of weeks.

Now when I offer Andy free time away from us I don’t secretly dread and resent it. I no longer count the seconds until Andy pulls into the driveway after work. I now rest when I sleep.

And what should’ve been the case all along but wasn’t and is now so sweet because I feel it AND I don’t feel guilty for not feeling it... I miss Kevin when we’re apart for long.

First post-placement visit

Today we met with our social worker who did our homestudy last year. It was our first post-placement visit and we'll have 2 more (I think). She'll write up a report and that gets sent with a bunch of photos to our placing agency. We are required by our placing agency to have the post-placement reports done but they are not required by Guatemala as they are in some countries. The 6-month report (which this one is) is also sent to our state.

The visit went fine; it was very easy. She asked us if any general info changed (only that I'm working part-time now) and she asked some questions about the joys and challenges specific to our parenting journey and how Kevin is progressing developmentally. It's easy to talk about Kevin for an hour!

Jumpin' Jack Flash - R.I.P. 2/23/2005

In February 1999, my family's cat of 19 years died. Her name was Sprite and she lived with me instead of at my parents' house from 1995-1999 and she became so sick that I had her put down. In July 1999, I missed having a cat around so much that Andy and I decided to adopt a cat together from the pound. We had a home visit/interview with an Animal Control Officer and they determined that we were fit to take care of one of their cats.

When we went to the pound we planned to look for a 1-2 year old cat but we were smitten with a cream and white colored kitten. We also noticed a frisky, meowy 4-month old steel gray cat with faint black stripes. When we walked by his cage, he made a racket and stuck his paws between the door railings trying to grab at us. He was so animated that he caught our attention and we brought him out of his cage and he promptly jumped out of my arms and attempted to check out the surroundings on his own. We put him back in the cage and placed him second on our list of choices. We were #3 on the list of people who wanted the kitten so we were ultimately matched with the gray cat.

I brought him home to my apartment while Andy wasn't there and he hopped around the place checking everything out and meowing at me. I'd been told to try to keep him calm (he was neutered that day and given some shots) and confined to one or two rooms. Yeah, right! He was all over the place. Not only was he very active but he was very lovable once he got used to us (which didn't take long.) I wasn't used to a snuggly cat so it was neat but a little weird.

The first weekend he was at my apartment, we had to leave for awhile so we locked him in the kitchen. The "lock" consisted of a 4-ft sheet of plywood clipped over the opening between the kitchen and the carpeted dining room. Before we were even out the door, we heard the jingle of his collar tags and saw him laying on the wrong side of the plywood door giving himself a bath. Hmm... this cat was a force to be reckoned with!

He quickly turned into free-range kitty even when I wasn't at home and that didn't cause any problems like I was expecting (namely un-use of the litter box and use of the carpet and un-use of the scratching post and use of the furniture.)

We took a long time to decide on a name for him - some we considered were Oscar and Jerry but after watching him scale the plywood when he was still small and leap up to the peephole in my front door to knock a pencil out of it, we decided on Jumpin' Jack Flash. We called him Flash for short.

Andy and I would go away for the weekend a lot back then (mostly camping) and we would leave extra food and water for Flash and he'd be fine. When we arrived home from our first 4-day weekend, Flash didn't greet us at the door and we were instantly curious. I found him locked in the bedroom. You see, he would often climb on top of the door and go for a ride. Apparently when he jumped off this time, he kicked the door shut. He was fairly agile but, lacking opposable thumbs, he never got the hang of putting his kitty paws around the door knob to open it. Judging by what was in the room that should've been in the litter box, we think he locked himself in there the night that we left.

On another long weekend trip, we left more than enough food and water out for him (he usually didn't eat as much while we were gone and he always had a lot leftover.) He disagreed. We found his bowls empty and the cabinet door open with the 10-lb bag of cat food (3 layers thick of paper with a plastic-type layer on the outside) shredded on one side with a hole big enough for Flash's head to fit through. He created his own feeding trough.

When speaking of people who have passed, you often hear that either the person lived a long, full life and their passing was bittersweet or you hear that the person's life was cut short and they had so much life left to live and their death was nothing but bitter. I think Flash lived fully while he was here but at only 6 years old with no known health issues we really thought he had lots of life left to live. Had he lived longer, I'm sure he would've lived as fully as he always had - doing all sorts of crazy things for attention.

Conversation

Dianne: What do you think of my hair today? Does it look different?

Andy: Did you straighten it?

Dianne: No. Does it look straighter?

Andy: Did you curl it?

Updated my website with photos

I have a long-standing website that currently houses photos. I updated that today (for the first time since June 2004.) Some photos have been posted here before but not all of them.

http://www.geocities.com/yosemite/2753

(click on "Added March 2005")

He rarely steps away from us voluntarily

While Kevin hasn’t grown any taller he is now able to reach more things than he used to because he’s becoming bolder and he tries to reach more things.

Yesterday when I got home from work Kevin didn’t greet me at the door and he wasn’t in the kitchen with Andy. My quizzical look prompted Andy to respond, “I’m a little concerned, too.” I heard the water turn on and off in the bathroom and then Kevin came running out still wearing his coat and carrying a tube of lip balm (nothing unusual or concerning there.)

I picked him up and gave him a bunch of kisses which slid right off his face. I thought, “Wow, that’s a lot of lip balm” and showed him to Andy. Andy, ever observant, said, “That’s not lip balm - that’s vaseline.”

Yup, vaseline slathered 1 cm thick all over his grinning face.

Good news for some baseball hopefuls

Little League International has adopted (pun intended) a change in procedure which allows more children to participate in their programs. It used to be that a birth document could be sole proof of age only if it was issued within one year of the child's birth. Obviously this rules out many internationally adopted children (including Kevin)! Under the old procedures we'd have to provide further proof of his age even when we have (which we don't yet have but we will later this year) his U.S.-issued birth certificate.

The new procedure allows for a birth document to be sole proof of age if it was issued in the country in which the child is participating.

Woohoo! Score one for Little League.

Hand Me Down

There's a blog I recently found written by a woman in her 20's who reminds me of myself at that age. I often reminisce about the empowerment of being on my own with my own job, my own apartment, my own truck, listening to whatever music I wanted, getting home at whatever time I wanted, etc. I was never a party animal but I look back on those days with joy. My memories of that time are very sweet but if I linger there too long, I remember the sour portions and I find myself thankful for the life I have now.

Andy didn't write the following song but he could have, just for me.

Hand Me Down

by Rob Thomas (from Matchbox Twenty's "More Than You Think You Are" CD)

Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue

Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you

Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to

Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth

They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say

They're gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in

Try to make you love again

Try to make you like the way they feel

When they're under your skin

Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you

You wonder why they haven't called

When they said they'd call you

You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by

You'll start to think you were born blind

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

I'm here for the hard times

The straight to your heart times

Whenever it ain't easy

You can stand up against me

And maybe rely on me

And cry on me, yeah

Oh no, no, no

Some day they'll open up your world

Shake it down on a drawing board

Do their best to change you

They still can't erase you

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

Servant or Enabler?

What is the difference between serving and enabling? I have a really hard time determining how to serve people without enabling them to continue or learn negative behaviors. Sometimes serving means doing something for someone. But what happens when doing something for someone does not, in fact, help them as much as it may reinforce negative behaviors?

The distinction between serving and enabling is generally easy to make in some situations. If I am certain to buy my (this is made up) alcoholic husband enough beer to keep the fridge full at all times, then I’m probably enabling him in his habit and not serving his true needs.

If I continually wipe up spilled coffee and food crumbs in the office kitchen, it would seem that I’m serving my coworkers. When, however, does that stop being service and start becoming a means for other people to be even lazier and more disrespectful of the others in the office because they never feel that they need to clean up after themselves?

This is a somewhat silly example, but don’t we face questions like this all the time? Or is it just me who really wonders whether the "service" that I’m doing is maybe not the best way to serve someone? This sometimes paralyzes me and I would guess that inaction without any form of engagement is never service. Perhaps I need to stop worrying about the bigger picture and just clean up after people without asking questions. Wouldn’t the service do my heart better? Would the enablement? But it shouldn’t be about me, right? It should be about the people I’m serving and I would really hope I’m not enabling them.

This comes to light a lot in parenting. There are times that doing something for Kevin is meant to show him that I’m his mother and I care about him and I will do things for him. Then there are times that doing that same thing for him only furthers his laziness and keeps him from understanding that it’s something he needs to be able to do for himself.

I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately and today I ran across this Dilbert strip. I should stop worrying about it because whether I am serving or enabling, I probably just sound like a lot of "Work harder" messages anyway.

Just don't call me perky

After I made some sarcastic comments about the phone conversation I'd just had, my officemate said to me, "Dianne, you've got your spunk back! You must be feeling better." Hmm... spunk? Not a word I'd tend to use for myself. Not sure anyone else ever has either.

I take that back

Kevin *is* sick with a much runnier nose and the beginning of his dreaded cough. And 2.5 hours ago, Andy stumbled (literally, with his feet caught in the blankets) out of bed to take his medication and said to me, "Since I'm staying home, just give me another hour of sleep and then you can go to work if you'd like." Hmm....maybe I need a refresher course in clock-reading.

Sick

Andy and I have been sick. Fortunately, Kevin has been barely sick. We were concerned by his stuffy nose because when he's had a cold in the past he ends up with reactive airway disorder and has to use the nebulizer, etc. But he seems generally ok. Andy and I, on the other hand, are not feeling well at all. Both have sinus infections and both have various other complications. We are both on antibiotics and other medications and we're really hoping to feel better soon. Day 4 of my antibiotics should feel better than it does, in my opinion, but I'm still holding out hope. Andy is on Day 1 of his so tomorrow and Wednesday will be the tests.

Amazing how when you're a parent you just do what you have to do (I know this is not earth-shattering news, I'm just thinking about it with respect to being sick.) I've been sick but have still visited 2 zoos, had a houseguest (who was very easy to host but adding that to the list increases the pity you feel for me), had a dinner guest, played volleyball (that has nothing to do with being a parent, I know) and played substitute teacher at church. Before being a parent I would've laid on the couch and watched a lot of TV. I figure now that I'm a parent, it's easier to do those things than lay on the couch hearing, "Come on!" and "Waaah!" from a 2-yr old while trying to rest.

Maybe I should have a blog dedicated to stories of the stupid things I do

I’m listening to the radio now (headphones plugged in all the way) and I heard a song that I liked but didn’t recognize so I went to the station’s website and looked at their status bar showing what song is currently playing. Alas, it just said, “More of Washington’s best music coming up!” Hello, doesn’t a computer keep that thing up to date with what their computer playback is playing? I reloaded the page a few times and got no further info.

A couple of minutes later, I was listening to a commercial and I recognized the DJ’s voices but they were on the wrong station. Then I realized that I wasn’t listening to the station whose website I referenced. The nerve of them not to tell me what song was playing on somebody else’s station!

How to make friends with your officemate

Shortly after moving into my new office I decided to listen to the radio. I plugged my cheap headphones into the jack and turned on the radio. I didn’t hear anything so I turned up the volume and fiddled with the position of the wires (that’s how you get cheap headphones to work.) Not even hearing any crackly static, I turned the volume up louder. I was able to hear the music faintly so I turned it up some more but then realized the sound wasn’t coming from the headphones but from the radio speakers. My officemate was glad to know that instead of trying to blast him out of the office with my radio I was just being dense and I hadn’t plugged the headphones in far enough.

First bedtime without us

Last night Andy and I both went to our bible study meeting and Elesa stayed with Kevin and put him to bed. That was Kevin’s first night since being with us that he went to bed without either of us. He was surprisingly clingy yesterday afternoon so we were concerned that he’d take awhile to calm down when we left but Elesa reported that he cried for about 2 minutes and then was fine. He wasn’t happy-go-lucky for awhile, but he eventually was and the whole bedtime routine went smoothly. Elesa suggested that it was so smooth that next time we can just leave him alone and call at specified intervals to tell him when it’s time to brush his teeth, get dressed, read, and lay down. He'll take care of everything else himself.

That's my photo!

I just confirmed that a large postcard style handout containing a calendar of the sermons at our church from January through March has a photo on it that *I* took. How cool is that?!

Granted, someone doctored up the coloring, but I understand that. Here is the undoctored version (I wouldn't know how to doctor a photo if my life depended on it.)

 

A Recent Picture of Flash

Flash enjoying the blanket crocheted for Kevin by a member of our church. November 2004 

Thoughts during the shock of Flash's death

I don't have the time or energy to write anything eloquent so I'm just going to throw together a list of notes about what went through our minds (mine in particular) during the time close to Flash's unexpected, untimely, and instantaneous death.

• What if it was Kevin? Andy? Me? How much harder to be shocked by a person’s death than a pet’s
  
• My high cholesterol numbers
  
• Maybe he was too stressed out by Kevin’s presence and it weakened his heart
  
• When Sprite (my previous cat of 19 years) died, I missed her but I wanted to get another cat more because I wanted someone/something to love, nurture, and take care of. Flash filled that void. Now that Flash is gone, I don’t have the same void - I miss Flash but I have someone else to fill the need for mothering. Getting another cat or some other pet would probably be more for Kevin than either Andy or me.
  
• Amazed by amount of shock and grief and yet ability to retard chaos so that Kevin wasn’t thrown off kilter.
  
• Thinking of how to tell Kevin what happened - he doesn’t understand the necessary language and anything he would understand might create fear - “Flash is sick/hurt, going to doctor - he can’t come home with us.” What will Kevin think the next time he has to go to the doctor?
  
• Andy: Flash was a transition pet - learned to handle being woken up, having responsibilities, greedy attention needs, etc. His job was done, God says we’re ok with Kevin.
  
• Probably more than coincidence that it occurred during the 30 minutes that we were all at home together that day
  

Interesting post on grace

Here is an interesting post at www.alittlepregnant.com on grace by a woman who doesn't believe in God as I do. Warning: contains foul language.

Our cat died tonight

Our cat died suddenly tonight. It's amazing what thoughts have been running through our minds since it happened. I'll probably post something about it later.

This is why we were against the family bed idea

Don’t say, "I told you so" or "Duh, what did you think would happen?" I, too, knew it was coming. I just tried to pretend it wouldn’t happen because I really, really, really hoped it wouldn’t. But it did.

Kevin got out of bed at 4:00 am and failed to understand why he wasn’t allowed in our bed. You see, 2-yr olds can’t tell time and barely understand the concept of time (Kevin often says "Not now" but I think that means "Please, no, don’t ever make me do that" rather than "Not now, but later.") All he knew was that for the past few days when he got up, he was allowed to sleep all snug and comfy between Mama and Papa for a bit longer. Then, suddenly, that was against the rules and he had to return to his cold, lonely room. And there was no reason for it!

I thought my Tuesdays and Thursdays were long days because I get up at 5:30 - turns out that today will be even longer as I only slept about 10 minutes since 4:00 am and I wasn’t in my bed at the time.

I'm sorry. See, the thing is...

Why do my apologies always start with a heartfelt "I'm sorry" but continue with "but...." or "You see, the thing is..."?

Do they offer finders' fees?

I'm quoted and listed on our adoption agency's website (World Partners Adoption) as a referral because we recently completed our adoption (Kevin's picture is included - isn't he adorable?) I also listed myself on a large adoption forum as a reference for our agency. I never expected to receive 20-25 requests for information in the 4 months that we've been home! It's pretty crazy although I love our agency and I'm happy to provide them with good references to people who are searching for an agency. Plus, I get to relive our process each time I answer someone's email. I don't have a form letter, although I may have to write one if this keeps up ;-) I answer each one separately and sometimes the people ask very detailed questions that really make me recall our paperwork process, decision processes, and our trip to Guatemala. I enjoy thinking back on all of those things. I just finished typing up what I think is my longest response yet. Phew!

We swore against a family bed

Long before Kevin arrived home, we decided that we'd do all we could to keep Kevin out of our bed at night. If he had serious attachment issues then we would've made concessions, of course, but that didn't turn out to be necessary. Instead we put him in his own bed in his own room and for awhile I slept on the floor in there. Then we graduated to staying in his room until he fell asleep. Then we graduated to only one of us staying in his room until he fell asleep. Now we've really graduated to letting him fall asleep on his own. When he gets up in the middle of the night, I still stay with him awhile but I try not to sleep in there (sometimes I sleep on the floor when he's up in the middle of the night so that I don't sit there wasting my precious sleep time while he's trying to fall back to sleep.)

Late last week we discovered something really nice - an hour of having "family bed" in the morning. For the past few days when Kevin woke up at 6:00 and we weren't ready to get up, we picked him up and laid him between us in our bed. Surprisingly, he fell back asleep! He didn't thrash around, he just rolled a little bit and moved an arm and a leg here and there. Those moments gave me the chance to wake up slowly and doze off a few times before getting out of bed. I can't stress how wonderful it has been to not be woken up suddenly and then be expected to get out of bed and be 100% "on" all within about 30 seconds.

The past few days this has been really nice because he came to our bed around 6:00 am and then he was ready to officially get up for the day around 7:00, which is a great time for me, personally.

I won't mention the fact that he was up from 11:45pm - 2:00am on Friday night and that he didn't nap on Saturday and his meal schedule has gone awry. I'll just hope that he had a few weird days and that the 1-hr morning family bed will continue to work on days that it is convenient for all of us and that the rest of his schedule will resume some normalcy starting today (it's 3:30 pm and so far, so good.)

Reasons why I should lay off of Kevin sometimes

I get pretty annoyed with Kevin when he spills his milk, knocks things over, or runs into walls because he’s not watching where he’s going. I know in my mind that a lot of these things are just part of the natural course of his learning process. However, I still get annoyed and angry. Then I find myself doing things that make me wonder how I have any right to get annoyed with him.

Last week in Wal-Mart I was deciding on which type of same-price hair conditioner to buy. I figured the smell was the biggest difference so I opened them both up to take a whiff. When I gave the second bottle a slight squeeze to let some of the air out to smell it, a dollop of conditioner popped out and landed right under my nose!

Tonight I was leaving the basement while Andy was down there and I pretended to kick one of Kevin’s balls. Then I decided to kick it backward toward Andy and instead of pretending to kick it against the steps in front of me (which I didn’t actually do because it would’ve made a loud noise), it nailed the baseboard radiator (making a really loud crash) and then bounced off and hit the cat.

I can’t help but laugh at myself when things like this happen yet I get annoyed when they happen to Kevin. I need to realize that at least Kevin has the excuse that he’s still learning the laws of physics.

Where a kid can be a kid scared

On Monday we're going to Chuck E. Cheese's for a nephew's birthday party. When I told Andy about it his first question was, "Hmm... I wonder how Kevin will do with large stuffed animals that dance?" This is a good question as we've seen Kevin quite afraid of puppets. Granted, he's not afraid of finger puppets, just the kind that go over your whole hand, even if it's someone as fun as Elmo. I do wonder how Kevin will do with large stuffed animals that dance.

I need a 3-day weekend to recover

So I played volleyball last night from 7:30 pm - 12:30 am. Yup, 5 hours. There were some breaks in the action while we waited to play between games, but that may have actually made it harder now that I'm getting older (stiffness sets in pretty quick these days.) After about 5 hours of sleep (which is not nearly enough for me even on a good day) I got out of bed when Kevin did and my body was still tired.

Kevin and I headed to the Baltimore Zoo this morning and left Andy to enjoy some peace and quiet at home. Kevin seemed nonchalant about seeing the polar bears, snowy owl, ravens, and arctic foxes in person, but then once he got out of his stroller and learned he could find is own best vantage point and make me move faster by running ahead of me, he was pretty excited to see some more animals (which included a cheetah, a penguin, giraffees, chimps, lemurs, various birds, etc.) The walking around didn't hurt my feet as bad as I thought it would but perhaps I was just fooling myself so that I wouldn't be miserable.

This afternoon Andy played with Kevin so I laid on the couch for a little bit and dozed off. When I woke up, things really started to hurt. The soreness is setting in and every muscle fiber is resisting movement.

Tomorrow I have to play volleyball for my league. It's gonna be ugly. I'll be in the prime of soreness at game time even though I've been popping Advil since I got home last night.

Just a few reasons why I love my husband

1. Tonight I'm going to The Volleyball House to play some drop-in volleyball. Not just some, actually, but *5* hours. I'm going to come home at midnight exhausted, smelly and talkative. And I'm going courtesy of the gift certificate that Andy gave me for Christmas.
   
   
2. Last night in bed, I was reading and Andy picked his head up off the pillow to say, "I left the Spanish kids' CD in the player in the van." This is so that I would know when getting into the van today to turn the music down immediately so that I wouldn't have to listen to the CD all day. Not that the Spanish kids' CD is a bad thing, but once you start Kevin on his music, you can't make it stop (we usually save it for later in the day or near the end of trips.)
   
   
3. When I complain about not being able to keep up with the cleaning and laundry and getting all of my work hours in each week Andy says, "I could live with every room looking like this" while pointing to the large pile of paper scraps and buttons that Kevin has strewn around our feet.
   
   

In case you’re looking for me

For some reason, my best friend from kindergarten popped into my mind last night. His name is Chad and he left our elementary school, I think to attend a private school. Either way, we lost touch (easy to do when you’re 5 years old and you’re afraid to use the telephone and you’re not allowed to cross the street.)

So today I Googled his name and I was shocked to find out that not only did he never move away but his family owns a large business in Baltimore that he now works for and he lives nearby. I also saw pictures of him on a sports-related website. Funny thing is that all I remembered about how he looked was his hair and - by gum - I could tell it was him in his photo 20-some years later by that same hair.

It’s harder to successfully look up women that you knew when you were younger because their names usually change when they get married. So in case anyone has good intentions about looking me up (if you have bad intentions then just ignore that you found this page) my name used to be Dianne Depuy. That little piece of text may be my ticket to all sorts of long-lost friends finding me through Google.

Or I may just find out that nobody is looking me up on the Web with nearly the intense curiosity that I seem to have for looking up everyone that I’ve ever known.

Site tracking

I have a free sitemeter account for tracking visitor statistics on this blog. One of the most interesting features (there would be others if I were to pay for them) is the list of visitors "by referral." Most of the time there is no information given but when someone reaches my blog by way of a search at Google or Yahoo (for example), then I can see what search terms they used to find me.

Apparently a lot of people outside of the US (mostly from Germany) find my blog through Google's image search feature. I don't know what about the names of my image files is so search-worthy but it's interesting to see how we all come together. The file that seems to get the most hits? One of Beth and myself when we donated our hair to Locks of Love 2 years ago. The intriguing name of the file? Before-Both.jpg. If that puts you on the edge of your seat, just wait until I post the one titled Before-AllThree.jpg.

How to increase your personal or company productivity

Have the company doing construction outside of your office building cut through the fiber optic cable that connects your users' desktops to the internet. Do not damage the lines that service your production-level applications which your clients access nor any inside lines that connect your employees' desktops to resources on the local area network.

Do not start any rogue processes that fork out of control rendering 85% of all development-level processes inoperable. At this point with no work to do and no access to the internet, your employees may turn psychotic.

Ash Wednesday

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday which is the beginning of Lent, the season leading up to Easter. Lent is a time of penitence which continues through Holy Week including Good Friday, the "celebration" of Jesus' crucifixion and then to Easter when we celebrate Jesus' victory over death when he rose from his tomb.

The church I attend is a "low church." We don't often sing hymns, people wear whatever they want, there is no organ, we have no stained glass windows, we don't follow a denomination's rites/rules/rituals or liturgy and our leaders aren't ordained. Our Founding/Senior/Lead/Teaching pastor didn't attend seminary (although he is a featured speaker at many seminaries these days.)

Last night some members of our bible study group went to an Ash Wednesday service at a local Episcopal church. It was the first Ash Wednesday service I've ever attended. It was the first time I've received ashes on my forehead as a symbol of my life coming from and returning to ashes.

I moved forward to the wooden fence in front of the altar and knelt down and closed my eyes. When the reverend touched my forehead with the ashes I felt something powerful. I think it was because I've never been physically touched by someone who has been ordained as a "holy person." Maybe that's not the right description to use, but my point is just that I felt like I was in the presence of holiness at that moment and it was something new to me (that's not to say that I haven't felt like I was in God's presence before, but this was different.)

I'm glad that we went and I'm glad that Kevin behaved and remained quiet during the service. It gave us the chance to observe and be part of the service and not just spend all of our attention trying to keep him quiet and occupied.

And I'm glad that our friends came over to our house afterward to eat pizza and chat :-)

Of course our son is smart

People have been telling us over the past 4 months that Kevin is smart. Of course we know this. Last night he displayed his intelligence in a grand manner.

He wanted to get something off his bookcase and it was a couple of inches out of his reach. He bounced around pretending to try to reach it and then asked for help. Andy and I were both sitting in the room and Andy suggested to Kevin that he get the (small, plastic, lightweight) step stool so he could reach.

Kevin followed the direction very well - he picked up the stool, carried it over to the book case, and swung it over his head trying to knock the object off the top of the book case with it.

This continued for about 30 seconds until Andy and I composed ourselves enough to be able to say, "Perhaps you should stand on the stool."

Someday...

...I plan to

• watch the Tour de France in person
  
• run in the Title 9 Sports Mother's Day Title 9K race
  
• become a vegetarian
  
• race in another duathlon or two
  
• cruise the Sea of Cortes
  

among other things.

Some big steps need to be forced

We just put Kevin to bed for the first time without one of us staying in there with him. We haven't been sleeping with him, but one of us would sit or lay on the floor next to his bed until he fell asleep. Tonight we sent Kevin into the scary world of falling asleep on his own.

His bedtime routine was becoming longer and longer because he would ask for water ("No, Kevin, you already had a drink"), [Winnie the] Pooh books ("No Kevin, you dropped them on the floor and we're not picking them up"), horse/cow ("No, Kevin, you pushed horse/cow behind the bed"), and all sorts of other things. Perhaps this is because his language skills are improving but we figured that he'd stop taking an hour to fall asleep if he didn't have an audience. Also, I'm hoping that this will cut back on his nighttime visits to our room. Granted, he doesn't wake up and come in every night, but when he does, it's very difficult on me. I expect he'll wake up sometimes and need comforting, but the past two nights he wanted me to sleep in his bed with him when he woke up. I'm sure it's obvious that's not the most comfortable way to sleep. It's no surprise that children who learn to fall asleep on their own are able to do so during the night as well.

We used the technique of "controlled crying" in which we put him to bed awake and left the room. He screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed some more and after about 3 minutes, we went back in to reassure him that we were still there and then we left the room again. More screaming and crying and screaming and crying (and Kevin was pretty loud, too) and we waited 5 minutes to go in again. Then we waited 10 minutes to go in the next time and 15 the following time. After about 35 minutes total, Kevin was asleep. He had stopped crying prior to that and would start up again every time we went back in, but we still felt it was good to let him know that we were there and would be available should he need us. We also made sure to be close to his room making noise like walking around, talking, etc. so that he knew we weren't completely leaving him (beyond his door, anyway.)

We're fortunate that we're able to attempt this because this should only be used with children who have a strong, healthy attachment to their parents. We feel secure with Kevin's attachment to us and because of that, this process should help him instead of hurt him (despite the wailing in the short-term.)

We are hoping he'll only feel distressed by this for a few days and then he'll have learned that he's safe and able to fall asleep on his own. That'll give us more time at night after he goes to bed that we can do things before we go to bed. Maybe we'll catch some more TV and do some more scrapbooking and beading. Wow... that sounds really nice.

Andy thinks I'm a geek but I'm really not

If I was a geek, I would've known when asked multiple times, "Are you sure you don't have another firewall installed on your machine?" to answer, "Yes, there are 2 besides the one I'm trying to install now" rather than saying, "No, of course not. I never installed a firewall on here."

And I would've known when asked, "How many network cards are in your computer?" to not answer that I only have the one I went out and purchased when, in fact, there is a built-in network card I could've been using all along PLUS the one that I went out and purchased.

And if I was a geek I would've known when told to "Boot in safe mode and check that you have Administrator privileges" not to answer with, "I most certainly should have Administrator privileges, I'm the only user! And what does it mean to boot in safe mode?"

Kevin's Mama, Great Gram (this is my grandmother who passed away 2 weeks ago) and Grandma  

Kevin's Great Grandma, Grandpa and Papa enjoying a lift-the-flap book. 

Happy 4-Month Anniversary

This time I know that I’m a day late. Our "4-months together as a family" anniversary was actually yesterday. Alas, yesterday I was not in front of the computer much as we were at Wal-Mart, the library, and visiting coworkers at my office.

Yesterday Kevin embarked on a milestone adventure of epic proportions (hyperbole? I think not.) I cleaned the oven after breakfast and Kevin was in the living room ALL BY HIMSELF the entire time. And that made it so much easier for me to spend specific play time with him afterward. And then, after dinner, even while Andy was home (realize here that Andy is a god to our little Kevin and when Andy is around, nobody else exists in Kevin’s world) Kevin went downstairs without us. That’s not just in another room, that’s practically in another galaxy. He sat at the bottom of the basement steps with some animals, balls and trucks piled around him and he played. I have no idea what he played even though I snuck a peek at him at one point. Can you understand the freedom that was gifted to us yesterday? It was incredible.

He has also started talking to himself. Many kids talk to the TV or their books or stuffed animals, but Kevin never did until now. It is the cutest thing. All that he seems to say at this point is numbers - he enjoys counting most everything. He doesn’t have the first 10 numbers down pat yet but he’s clearly getting there. What we tend to hear when he does talk to himself goes something like this, "doo, dix, debben, dix, debben, nine, dix, debben..." which is "two, six, seven, six, seven, nine, six, seven..." when you can’t pronounce "s" sounds at the beginnings of words yet.

Thinking back to what changes Kevin has made and what he has learned over the past few months is incredible. Here are some of the ones I can think of at the moment:

• taking a bath is no longer a scream-fest
  
• his plate of food doesn’t get shoved in a fit of anger 10 times during every meal
  
• he can put 3 words together and ask for things like, “more milk, please”
  
• he says “Thank You” at home with a big smile on his face without prompting
  
• the outdoors is fun instead of scary
  
• not only can he dance, he can sing
  
• he can watch us cooking dinner without crying to have food immediately
  
• he falls asleep in bed and not only in our arms
  
• he eats like a horse but not like a horse with a tapeworm
  

The Making Of A Chevy Chase Movie

The Setting: My dear Grandmother's viewing and funeral. Enter mourning family members, friends and coworkers greeting one another, hugging and crying. Six rows of folding chairs span the room width-wise and two rows face in on either side of the room. Also enter two cousins age 4 (Julia) and almost 3 years old (Kevin.)

The Action, Part I: Julia runs to Kevin, arms outstretched, and grabs him around the waist, tackling him to the ground. Kevin screams with delight holding Julia with both arms and the two roll around on the floor knocking chairs over.

The Action, Part II: Kevin runs through the back door of the room with Julia in pursuit and they head toward the front of the room, arms flailing. Kevin slows down, Julia crashes into him and they are, once again, rolling around on the floor together laughing loudly, this time a mere 2 feet from knocking into the table where Grandma's body lays in the casket.

The Denouement: Various relatives attempt to ease Kevin's mother's guilt by saying, "You know, the children helped lighten the mood."

Yes, that's exactly what should be done at a funeral. Every funeral should have some wrestling kids for entertainment.

There is relief in commiseration

Without going into too many details yet about how I feel about being a parent, let me just say that I just got off the phone with my college roommate who has a 3-month old son and she feels almost EXACTLY LIKE I DO about parenting. Ahhh... what a relief.

Until We Meet Again, Grandma....

I’ll never forget the ride to your house every year right after Christmas and being welcomed into your warm, cozy, firelit living room to see our handmade, overflowing stockings hanging on the mantel. I’ll never forget the shiny, glittery bell with the string I loved to pull just to hear its tinny rendition of “Silver Bells.” I even remember when I was too small to reach it and had to rely on the kindness of someone else to lift me up. Just last week when we came to visit and introduce you to your newest great-grandson, I asked my mom what ever happened to that bell.

I’ll never forget the summers that I spent at your house playing Russian Bank, making wet walnuts to put on top of our ice cream, and feeding marshmallows to the raccoons.

I’ll never forget the tears in your eyes and the despair in your heart when Grandpa died 15 years ago.

I pray that you are with God now, feeling no pain, giggling like a school girl as you reconnect with the love of your life with whom you shared over 50 years of marriage.

Thanks for being such a special person worthy of so much sadness at this time when we feel like we’ve lost you forever. Until we meet again, Grandma, I will cherish all of the memories I have of you.

My Mother's Retirement Got Lost In The Hubbub

Earlier this year, I wrote a post about my father’s retirement. My mom retired this year also, but she never got a post! So here it is.

My mom has worked at a bank for many years - she started as a teller, moved to new accounts, eventually became a commercial loan officer, and then moved to a support position in the loan department. This summer, her bank was bought by another bank and her department moved to a location farther from their house. She was already considering retiring soon, but that was the icing on the cake for her to make her decision.

My mom stayed home full-time with us kids until we went to school. Once I (the youngest) started school, she went to work part-time during the day. She was always there to see us off in the morning and to welcome us home in the afternoon. When I got older, she started working full time. I thought she was crazy to give up working to stay home with us but look at me now! Ok, so I work part-time, but I can’t imagine working full-time and having kids, too.

My mom is one of those people who never lets anything get done halfway or incorrectly. She does her job and the job of anyone around her who isn’t pulling their weight. She learns her tasks as completely as possible and everyone that she has worked for wishes she would never move on to a new position or retire. When she left the bank, I know that there was a big gaping hole - mostly for her skills but also because she’s very nice and thinks of other people and I’m sure she helped the morale around her office.

We were supposed to have a surprise party to celebrate her retirement but our adoption of Kevin got in the way and after rescheduling once and still having to cancel, we never planned another. So here’s to Mom and her retirement - congratulations on a job well done and I’m so glad that you’re out of the rat race of working full time!

I really don't have a "to do" list for this, honest

• Reduce Kevin's fear of water/bathing.... Check!
  
• Reduce Kevin's fear of blankets.... In process
  

I have a picture from our trip to Guatemala in which Kevin is sleeping in the bed with the covers up to his chin. Looking back on it I'm shocked! I can only guess that he was just so exhausted that he didn't have a chance to realize that he was covered. As it now stands, Kevin is afraid to have blankets on him. Even a light one draped over a single foot is enough to invoke "the face of fear" complete with whimpering sound effects.

We've made progress, though... there is actually a blanket on Kevin's bed now and we put it there before he fell asleep. Last night he even hugged it as he fell asleep. I think this leap has occurred because we've been playing with blankets as toys for some time and he's recently taken to hiding himself under a blanket when he's not laying down and thrashing around in it (this causes many giggles, in fact.)

Try this at home

Read (preferably aloud) a few Dr. Seuss stories. Something like Yertle the Turtle or The Sneetches. Then open your Bible to the Psalms or Song of Solomon and start reading; silently is fine.

M. Night Shyamalan has got my number

Andy bought M. Night Shyamalan's The Village on DVD yesterday and we were very excited to see it again. Before reviewing it last night, my memory told me that it wasn't scary like Signs (which I LOVE) and it has an interesting plot line. I have suggested to many people who don't watch scary movies that they can watch this with no problem - "It's not scary, but it's suspenseful in a couple of scenes."

Then we watched it last night. I was wrong. Even knowing what was coming, knowing the plot line, knowing all sorts of things, I was scared. So scared that at one point I literally jumped off the couch screaming, knocking my box of crackers to the floor and landing in Andy's lap on the other couch. Yes, I'm a movie wimp and I know that I am, but that guy (Shyamalan) knows so totally well how to creep me out.

After the movie we came upstairs to go to bed and I couldn't walk down the hall without the lights on. Our hall is only about 15 feet long and the kitchen light was on at one end, but I couldn't even make it into the first room without running back to the light with the hair standing up on the back of my neck.

I think movies like this are so fun - it's a rush to be scared without being grossed out, which is the only way I used to think scary movies could be. Write, produce and direct on, Mr. Shyamalan.

Conversation heard at our house this morning

Me (walking into living room): Kevin, come here... see what's on TV? It's Sesame Street.

Kevin (following): Big Bird!

Me (leaving room): Yes, Big Bird. Why don't you sit here and watch TV for a little bit.

Kevin (following): No.

Me: Please, just watch Big Bird for a little while. You'll see Elmo and Grover, too.

Kevin: No.

Me (walking back into bathroom to finish getting dressed): Are you sure?

Kevin (following): Sure.

Me (walking back toward living room and pointing to the TV): Look, don't you want to watch?

Kevin (following, staring at TV)....

Me (walking out of living room)...

Kevin (following) No.

Someday I will wish he doesn't want to watch TV but for today, it would be nice if he'd sit there by himself for a little while.

Longings

You know my every thought

My every desire

My longings are not hidden from you.

Teach me to see myself as you see me -

To see, to know, to feel my true longings.

All my life my yearnings for greatness have been quashed...

   by others -

   by myself -

But you - you have been there always, at the edge of my limited vision

Waiting to show me what's inside my heart.

Help me to remove the rubble from my soul -

The rubble that darkens and pushes down my true desires.

You can teach me to see where I want to go and who I want to be.

I can't do it on my own - I need your eyes.

Only when I know my dreams can I act on them.

Only when I know where I want to be can I start the journey.

Free my truest desires and longings

Let them fly to the light where I cannot help but trust that they are real

and from the part of me that is You.

Watching the birds and squirrels in our yard. 

Bathtime Milestone

When we first met Kevin, he was afraid of water. He'd drink it well enough, but bodies of water, baths, showers, fountains, etc. were very scary to him. He's slowly learning to not be so afraid and last night Andy helped him cross a major threshold. He took a bath by himself!!

Not long after he came home, we quit giving him sponge baths and we made him get in the tub. Usually Andy was in with him (I think I only was in with him once.) Since then, he's learned to have fun in the tub but it wasn't until last night that Andy was able to convince/coerce Kevin to stay in the tub by himself the entire time. He asked for Andy to join him but Andy ignored his request and distracted him with something else fun to play with. He'd been slowly working toward this, it's not that we just didn't give him something fun to do previously. I'm very proud of Andy for leading Kevin to such a big accomplishment.

Child Dedication is a misnomer, I think

This Sunday is Kevin’s Child Dedication at our church. Our church performs dedications instead of baptisms for children. Everytime I say "we’re dedicating Kevin" it sounds wrong to me. Aren’t we instead dedicating ourselves to bring up Kevin with Christian values and understanding? It should be, "Parents’ Dedication To Their Children." I suppose that doesn’t really roll off the tongue quite the same.

The Chasms Between Us

At each stage of life, we live with chasms between us and people who are not in the same stage that we are. For instance, when you move from high school to college, it’s hard to relate to the kids back in high school who may only be a year younger than you and who you may have called your best friends just 6 months prior. You feel like you live in a different world than they and, really, you do.

Andy and I were a couple for about 6 years before we got married. The chasm between us and our married friends was unnoticeable most of the time. We got married in 2001 and enjoyed our “dink” (dual-income, no kids) lifestyle and watched our friends have kids. We never planned for there to be a chasm between us and our friends with kids but it happened - we saw less of those friends socially and didn’t have as much to talk about when we did get together because we had little in common at that point. We tried to be really interested in their kids’ lives and we were to a point, but there was a limit.

Last year we decided to take the plunge and start a family and we vowed not to talk incessantly about our children and to still spend as much (or as little) time with our friends who don’t have kids as we did before. Alas, three and a half months into our parenting adventure, we barely recognize our childless friends. We don’t see them much and when we do, it’s hard to find things to talk about. We still try not to talk incessantly about our kid but it’s hard not to when he’s what takes up 99.999% of our thoughts and resources. But in trying not to talk about him too much, the chasm between us and people without kids grows ever deeper and wider. We try to throw sand and cement in there to fill it up, but they are temporary measures.

I truly hope that the chasm never grows so large that we can’t still jump across it to meet people on the other side. And I hope that although it feels like a tug-of-war in my soul, we never forget how it feels to be on the other side of the chasm.

Visiting (not traveling) can be easier with a kid

We visited a bunch of my relatives this weekend and although the trip up and back wasn't nearly as nice as pre-kid, the actual visits with everyone were somewhat easier.

It used to be that we'd need to find other things to do to keep ourselves busy so that we weren't hanging out at the house all day and we'd have to come up with interesting conversation, which is not a forte for either of us. This visit, we didn't have to do anything very difficult - everyone focused on Kevin and not us (so we didn't have to make any strained conversation) and we didn't feel like doing anything except sitting around the house all day while we had the chance.

Over the river and through the woods

Yup, we're packing up and heading off to visit Kevin's Great-Grandmothers. Both of my grandmothers are still living but both of my grandfathers have passed. One of Andy's grandfathers is still living but I have not met him. We were supposed to visit my relatives at Christmas time but my mom got sick and we couldn't go and spread her germs all around. So, we're taking the long weekend to drive up to New Jersey to visit all sorts of relatives so that Kevin can meet them and they can meet him.

I've scoured some websites for help with planning a car trip with a toddler and I think I'm ready - but everytime I say that about anything, it fails miserably. So I won't really say it, I'll just whisper it. Shh, don't tell anyone.

The trip up will be split into 2 sections. We'll visit Great-Grandma in her senior care facility in Maplewood, which is about 4-4.5 hours away from us. Maplewood, NJ, by the way, is touted as the birthplace of Ultimate Frisbee, a most awesome sport. We'll visit with her for a couple of hours and then we'll head about an hour north and west to Sussex County to visit Great-Gram. Great-Gram lives with my aunt and uncle so we'll also get to visit with them and hopefully a bunch of my cousins.

You probably think that because we're aiming to leave tomorrow morning by 8:00 am that I'm all packed and ready to go. Not so. I haven't packed a thing. Granted, I set a bag of food and one toy aside in preparation for packing but, I tell you, packing for a toddler is weird in that you have to wait until the last minute for so many things. It's not like he can do without his favorite books for tonight's reading session or his booster seat for tomorrow morning's breakfast, etc. I'm putting every piece of dirty laundry that we have through the washer today so that we're well-prepared for any last-minute spills, drips, falls, etc.

Today I'm also attempting to get some paid work done while at home. Surprisingly, Kevin "allowed" me to get some (non-thinking) work done this morning and now I'm downloading some software I need to install. See, I'm not just wasting time typing up a blog post, I'm multi-tasking.

Have a good weekend, I hope it's a long one for you all. If you're feeling like me, you need it! Although weekends really aren't the same when you have kids, are they.

Is anything cuter than...

...a 2-yr old wearing a footed sleeper with his hair sticking up all over?

Where have you [not] seen God this week?

In our bible study group, one of the ways that we "keep in touch" at the beginning of the meeting is to answer the question, "Where have you seen or not seen God this week?"

Last night's meeting marked the return of the Aguileras (well, just one Aguilera) to the group. Andy and I will be switching up each week to attend. Andy went last night, so I didn't get to voice my answer. It's probably a good thing that I didn't go, because I had a very low day yesterday and an extremely low night, so I may have found myself talking through the entire meeting about how much I don't want to be a parent. Wait, did I just write that in public? Yes, I did. But I'll refrain from going into any further details at this time. Anyhow... I thought this morning about my answer to the question had I been at the meeting. I think it goes like this.

I see God every morning when I get out of bed feeling like an entirely different person than when I went to bed the previous evening. At the end of each day, I have had it (in a reasonable sense, not like last night.) I'm physically tired, emotionally tired, mentally tired, and all other kinds of tired. I am tired of everything. Then in the morning I'm magically able to deal with Kevin again not just by tolerating him but by interacting with him. That has to be God because if it was just up to me, I'd only feel about 5% better in the morning than I do the night before.

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"
 --Lamentations 3:22-24

This doesn't add up

Over the Christmas holiday with Andy off from work and me only working part of my part-time schedule, we let Kevin slip into a later sleep schedule. He also started sleeping longer - even when put to bed at the same time, he was habitually sleeping in later in the morning. This doesn't work well with having to get him out of bed to get ready for daycare on the days that I work.

We put Kevin to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual and he woke up 1.5 HOURS earlier than usual. We figured that must be an aberration as it was only one morning. We didn't get him to bed early for another few days but last night we put him to bed 15 minutes early again. Again, he woke up 1.5 HOURS earlier than usual.

Do two instances make a pattern? (I should probably know that as my college degree is in math) Armed with this possible pattern, what should we do - put him to bed 7.5 minutes early in the hope that he'll wake up 45 minutes earlier than usual and then scale back once more from there in order to get him up at the "right" time? What will this do in the long-term since he won't be getting as much sleep each night as usual? Maybe his daily nap will lengthen... nah, that's never happened even with very few hours of sleep at night. Although I'm learning never to say never when it comes to children.

Here's the new bike trailer I bought with some "Welcome party" gift money. This is our test run. I'm hoping to get on my bike this week - Monday and Wednesday look promising weather-wise.  

One of Kevin's favorite books of the moment, "Here Comes The School Bus!" He pronounces school bus as "coo cuh cuh." Here he is reading while he should be putting his clothes on. 

Why good-tasting kids' medicines aren't always better

I gave Kevin a dosage cup of cherry-flavored decongestant and he didn't want to take it. I then drew some up in a "syringe" and gave it to him that way and he liked it. I went to the fridge to get him some water and when I turned back around, he was proudly showing me that he was going to drink the medicine in the dosage cup after all. Yikes!! Needless to say, there was quite some time spent crying after I removed the cup from his hand because he couldn't have his yummy medicine. Fortunately for me, he waited to drink the extra dose until I could see that he was being a good boy and doing what I originally wanted him to do and that gave me the chance to stop him.

Parenting Lesson #24,561 (based on parenting mistake #103,687.)

Great Quote

Homer Simpson remarking why he can't wear a pink shirt to work:

"I'm not popular enough to be different."

Oops, wrong anniversary date

It turns out that the Saturday we arrived in Guatemala City was October *2nd*, not October 3rd. Oops, I was a day late with my Happy Anniversary message. Well, that just goes to show you that Andy really is much better at anniversary dates than I am and he always will be.

Happy 3-Month Anniversary!

It's been three months since we first met Kevin. It was October 3, 2004, that our plane touched down in Guatemala City around noon local time and we fought our way outside to find Elesa in her cool blue Toyota Matrix so we could load our luggage (including one busted to the point of being unusable stroller) and head off to her house. We were told that they ("they" requires a moderate length story so I'll leave it out) would bring Kevin to us at Elesa's house at 3:00. Who knew that 3 hours could actually last 15 hours? OK, so that was only in our minds. But it was really difficult to wait. REALLY difficult. I can't even remember how we passed the time.

At very close to 3:00, the doorbell rang and we ran through the long process of unlocking the front doors and security gates. We said, "Hello, come in" and all of that polite stuff and before we even turned around into the house they placed Kevin in my arms. I wondered if I should cry because most adoptive parents probably cry when they first meet their children, but I didn't feel like crying. I was WAY too overwhelmed. We went inside to work on some paperwork and Kevin wanted to stay in my lap so I attempted to entertain him with all of the little goodies we'd planned to have out for him: raisins, crayons, books, and I can't even remember what else. He wasn't really interested in anything. He didn't cry but he was not comfortable with what was going on (who would be? he didn't know us and, in fact, didn't know the people who brought him to us.) I played "peek a boo" with him and he smiled! It was the cutest smile I'd ever seen. I tried to show Andy that he had smiled but he was busy trying to make sense of the paperwork that was getting prepared for our visit to the Embassy on Monday morning. I was also trying really hard to look like a perfect (instant) parent in front of the people who brought him to us. Speaking of peek-a-boo, "where is...?" is still his favorite game! How crazy that he still plays that over and over and over again with anyone and anything and it was what brought out his first smile to me?

Once the people left after the paperwork was done, it was just the three of us - a family who didn't know each other. Kevin became increasingly distant and he slid himself under the grand piano with some whimpering noises. He was wearing the outfit that we'd sent to him previously and his only possession was the photo album with pictures of us, our families and our house that we'd sent just a couple of weeks prior. He wouldn't let us look at the album with him so I don't know if he had any clue that we were the people in the photos.

It was up to Andy to coax Kevin out of his shell and, as expected, he did a grand job. He acted silly and brought out some balls and Kevin couldn't help himself any longer - the balls had to be kicked! That first day we spent most of the time playing with the balls and giving him water to drink. He fell asleep and slept through dinner which was pizza brought in by Jeff and Elesa. If we'd had any idea what his appetite was like, we would've woken him up to eat. But we didn't, so we ended up awake at 3:30 am feeding him instead.

I'll end the story here as I could go on forever but I don't have the time and it would get boring for you to have to read that much at one time. Perhaps another day, perhaps on another anniversary.

I'll close by saying that it's hard to believe it's only been 3 months and not 3 years, although thinking back to the day we met, it seems like it was yesterday.

Welcome to the wonderful world of asthma

Kevin doesn't technically have asthma yet, but he does have "reactive airway" induced by a virus, which is diagnosed as "bronchiolitis." Once he has an airway response to something else such as an allergen or other environmental factor, then they'll label him an asthmatic.

We found this out this morning when I took him to the doctor after he threw up(*) from so much coughing at breakfast. He is the proud new owner of his very own nebulizer! He gets to inhale albuterol and steroids on a regular basis and we get to be on the lookout for further respiratory problems.

When we went to Guatemala to bring Kevin home, he was having the same type of reaction and we took him to a doctor down there because he sounded like he had so much chest congestion. Andy and I are both prone to lung infections, so we were concerned about waiting until we got home to try to make an appointment for a new patient.

(*) Note: I won't give a full-blown account of this morning's vomit session. I'll merely mention that I am in the clear lead over Andy now. Also, I did find out that I don't always throw up when someone else does in my presence. However, I'm likely to come close upon cleaning up after such an event.

Servant Leaders

Jen Lemen wrote 2 posts about her feelings on how leadership should be done. Here is the first and here is the second. Her main point is

i think i just prefer structures and styles of leading that foster creativity and innovation and good relationships. that's the kind of thing that sounds great but is nearly impossible to pull off. because it requires somewhat ego-less leaders or at least people who are seasoned and mature enough to be able to foster these spaces for others. you have to be willing to not always look good or have looking at you not be the point at all.

I know someone who leads like that. I have not personally been "under" her leadership, but I know that this is how she does it. And I know that it works and I know that a church I am quite familiar with really missed the boat by pushing her away from taking a leadership role there. I'm not much of a "what if" game player, but sometimes I find myself wondering "What if she was here and was able to use her ego-less self and her seasoned maturity in a leadership role?" I think it would've been grand and I'm sorry that we missed the chance (nay, threw away the chance) to have her on board. Perhaps other leaders of said church don't agree with the idea of servant leadership being the best way to lead? Seems to me that's what Jesus tried to teach us.

Think twice before offering to babysit for us

Yesterday we went out to lunch and a movie and we left Kevin at home with Andy's mom and sister. We tried to remember to tell them everything about Kevin's lunch and nap schedule and routine and Andy unlocked the shed for them in case they wanted to play outside and get the balls or slide out.

One thing we failed to tell them is our emergency lock-out plan. If you get locked out of our house, there is a 2-step procedure to get yourself back in without having to break a window. Somehow, when they went outside to play for a bit before lunch, the back door locked. We set the front door to always lock when we leave, but the back door shouldn't have locked (we still don't know how it happened.) They tried to come inside for lunch but - d'oh! - they couldn't get in. Our super-nice neighbors were kind enough to house them and feed them all lunch until the husband could get home and unscrew the storm-door lock on our basement. I suppose the new 2-step emergency lock-out procedure is "1) Find screwdriver, 2) unscrew door handle and lock."

Thankfully everyone is laid-back enough that it was just an adventure and not something stressful.

All the while, we were enjoying lunch at The Olive Garden (thanks to Mom and Dad D. for the gift certificates) and viewing Ocean's 12 (thanks to bro- & sis-in-law for the gift certificates.) The movie, by the way, was highly entertaining - I thoroughly enjoyed it and would watch it again. This is unlike I, Robot which I bought for Andy for Christmas and we found it to be pretty lame (despite Will Smith, who I think is great.) Speaking of Will Smith (and boy I'm going off on some tangents here), we saw a preview for his upcoming movie Hitch which looks pretty funny.

The Gift of the Magi

A week ago, I was talking with a friend about Andy's need to "get away" on a more regular basis. He doesn't need to leave for the weekend or go on a cruise or something, but he needs to be away from people for awhile. A few hours here and there should be fine, but he won't take them unless I force the issue and then I usually have to make some grand plans to make it happen. Well, I'm running out of grand plans and wishing there was an easier way to either be gone from the house for awhile with Kevin at a time helpful to Andy or somewhere that Andy could go without being around people at a convenient time for him. I tried to explain to my friend the difficulty in the details related to this problem.

A couple of days later, I found some information that Andy had from The Volleyball House, which is a local volleyball establishment that I sometimes visit for drop-in play. He freaked out when he knew I had seen it, so I figured it was related to a Christmas present for me. I mentioned this to my friend noted above and he said, "Well, you know, the day after you were talking about how Andy needed a chance to be away from work and the family and that he doesn't make time for himself, he called me and said the same thing about you and asked for contact info for the Volleyball House."

You know, that is pretty cool that we both are concerned with each other's need to "refresh" after too much time with work and the family.

1) The first picture we saw of Kevin, 2) An updated photo during our process, 3) August 2004, taken by a rep from our agency, 4) November 2004, home for 2 months 

Kevin proudly shows off his new light-up Elmo boots. Now, where's the snow? This photo goes with this post. 

Andy's birthday cupcakes were tasty. This photo goes with this post. 

Vomit score: Tied at 1-1

I never intended to have a post about vomiting but, really, it was/is one of my biggest fears of parenting. I get sick to my stomach a lot and when someone else vomits, I do too. That scares me when it comes time for my children to have stomach viruses.

A couple of weeks ago, Kevin vomited a little bit in the bathtub. Problem is, he still doesn't take baths alone. So Andy was in the tub, too. He was a bit shell-shocked and not sure what to do. We took care of the situation and chalked it up to having ingested soapy water and having the hiccups while laughing. Although I helped with the situation, I didn't see it actually happen. Score one for Andy.

Last night, I tied the game. We were putting a very happy and hyper Kevin to bed and I picked him up off the bed to pull the covers down when I said, "OK, here's one last squeeze for the day!" and I gave him a big hug. Out came a burp and more. This time, I was shell-shocked. I didn't have much on me, though, as most of it projected past my shoulder onto the floor.

Today while dancing around as we often do and picking Kevin up and twirling him around, Andy and I both stopped moving the moment Kevin started to hiccup. Fortunately, nothing came of today's hiccups and laughter but we're certainly a bit more cautious about rambunctious play than we used to be.

This was the first time that Kevin set Big Bird up with his own book to read ("Little Miss Spider") and pillow to support his back. Now his stuffed animals help with all of the household chores and they receive the royal treatment most of the time. The rest of the time they're getting swung around by an arm or a leg or body slammed to the ground. 

I could've sold that picture to Hallmark

This morning when Kevin woke up, we went into the living room instead of directly to the kitchen for breakfast. It was dark and Andy wasn't up yet, so I turned on the Christmas tree lights instead of any of the regular lights while our eyes adjusted. I attempted (for the umpteenth failed time) to get Kevin to sit in the rocking chair with me and enjoy the soothing motion. He sat (straight up) for a minute or two and pointed at the tree lights. Then he walked over to the tree to touch it.

He was wearing a fuzzy sleeper with feet and he padded his way to the tree in his early-morning clumsy way, silhouetted by dozens of tiny white lights. When he reached the tree, he stood there with a glowing halo long enough for me to realize that he looked like a scene I've seen so many times on Christmas cards and I started thinking of how to set up my camera to take the shot. I realized that I would never get the shot, so I stopped wasting the moment and I just sat and enjoyed it. And boy, was he beautiful.

Norm is coming home!

Norm is married to Andy's sister and they have 2 kids. Norm's National Guard unit, the 835th CSB, was called into service in Iraq last year and we just received word that they are coming home in the next few weeks! They were slated to return at this time, but with all of the recent news of soldiers' tours
being extended, we weren't sure what would happen to his unit.

Thanks to all of the men and women in the military who are serving. I wish you all a safe and speedy return.

What's going on in my life

Yesterday I did a lot of cleaning and picking up around our house. It felt so good! Some areas that have been cluttered for awhile are taken care of and all of the main floors got cleaned and I even did some dusting (my least favorite house cleaning activity.) There is plenty more to do, but I feel really good about yesterday’s progress.

Today I’m at work and Kevin was out of sorts this morning so he was whiny and clingy when I left, which was unusual after last week’s brazen “Adios!” to me as soon as Magy arrived for the day.

Kevin is testing, testing, testing. His favorite words as of this weekend are “No!” and “Mine!” Note that the exclamation points are part of the words - they aren’t just for emphasis in my blog. Also, Kevin has become hostile toward our cat. They were learning to live with each other pretty well over the past few months, but Kevin’s “Mine!” attitude has caused him to shut the door on the cat, throw things at the cat, and swing his arm at him. Those behaviors haven’t gone over very well with Kevin’s parents.

Tomorrow my parents are coming to visit in the morning and through lunch. That’ll be fun because they haven’t had many chances to actually play with Kevin and tomorrow there won’t be anyone or anything in the way of doing so. When they’ve come over before, they’ve ended up helping put our furniture back, lift heavy things, or replace decorations on the walls. When they’ve seen him elsewhere, there have been other family members around to pay attention to also. I don’t know yet what I’ll do while they’re there - I may have a chance to run out and get an errand or two done, or at least do some more cleaning at home. That is if Kevin is up to all of that, which I expect he will be because my parents are a lot of fun to play with.

I’m working again on Thursday but if today is any indication, I won’t be very productive.

Friday evening we’ll go to Christmas Eve service at church. I’m not sure whether we’ll keep Kevin in the service with us or put him into his class; we’re still deciding on this.

Saturday morning we’ll head over to Andy’s brother’s house and spend time through lunch with his family. In the afternoon, we’ll head up to my sister’s house for dinner with her family and my parents. I expect there will be some gift exchanging at both locations as well ;-)

I still really need to find a DSL provider for home so that I can access my company’s resources from there. Unfortunately, DSL costs money so I’m hesitant to order it, but I really need to or else I will have to find my way into the office to make up my 4 extra hours per week that I’m slated to work starting in January.

Let's just buy the Hummer and be done with selling out

I would say, "We’d NEVER buy a Hummer!" (what with their wastefulness on so many levels) but then I’ve also said, "I’ll never pay to have my child’s hair done at Cartoon Cuts!" and look what happened.

Then there is my disdain for those silly shoes that light up. Remember when they first came out from BK Knights for teenagers? At least I think that’s what they were. Maybe I’m wrong, I never had a pair. Anyway, every kid seems to have them now and they fly in the face of our idea of trying to trim Kevin’s sensory overload in our culture and all of the hoopla about having to have the newest and craziest gadgets.

So guess what we came home from Kohl’s with today? No, not a pair of silly shoes that light up. Something much, much better. I even apologized to Andy before he saw them. They are snow boots which don’t only light up on the bottoms, but they shoot lights up the sides, too! And have I ever mentioned that we’re trying to limit the branded characters that Kevin falls in love with and wears on his clothes and such? Well, we are. And these snazzy boots have on them, smack dab in the center of the front... Elmo.

At least they were entertaining for a short while tonight - we turned off all the lights and Kevin's dancing feet treated us to a laser light show without the cost of a Pink Floyd concert ticket.

"Papa, you have frosting on your nose"

The Bible says that Jesus instructs us not to attempt to remove a piece of sawdust from another’s eye without first taking the plank out of our own. Do you think this extends to cupcake frosting smeared across one’s face, hair, hands, and arms while pointing to the small dot of frosting on someone else’s nose with such fervor a bystander might think the poor guy’s nose was on fire rather than dabbed with chocolate?

Jesus was born

One of the reasons we chose to adopt children is that I have no desire to be pregnant or deliver a child. It's not something my body or mind has ever felt inclined to do. In fact, I find pregnancy pretty darn disgusting. Of course you can imagine my opinion of labor and delivery.

As usually happens this time of year, Mary’s delivery of Jesus in a stable was mentioned in church on Sunday. I’ve thought before about that and I realize that it was not the cozy, comfortable and idyllic scene that is often portrayed. It was a birth. Spare me the details.

Or at least I thought I could be spared the details. What struck me on Sunday while thinking of Jesus’s birth was Kevin’s birth. Although I did not carry and deliver him, he was carried and delivered. And while I place his birthmother at the top of the list of people important to Kevin, I never thought about her pregnancy and delivery. Until Sunday, I thought (or just maybe never thought) that was ok, but now I don’t think so.

Happy Birthday to one-half of Teamdandy

Happy Birthday, Andy! I know that I forgot to say "Happy Birthday" this morning, but that is why I made sure to say it last night before going to sleep.

Before the rest of you (the "rest" of you - as if Andy will read this - ha!) think that I'm a terrible wife (well, maybe I am) we celebrated his birthday last night because I'll be at work today and won't be home until after 6:00. So, I made his requested dinner for him last night and we had cupcakes for dessert. That is probably why the birthday thing slipped my mind this morning - I already had it done and off the To Do list by this point ;-)

I Never Thought I'd...

• ...drink water with food in it from someone else's backwash
  
• ...eat food that was previously in someone else's mouth
  
• ...be proud of myself for not reacting while my child screams in a public place because he doesn't get his way
  
• ...waste post-it notes by letting someone scribble all over them, one note at a time (this is for you, Kirsten!)
  
• ...sing "The Wheels On The Bus" out loud 5 times in a row, every day
  
• ...dance in my living room at night with the drapes open
  
• ...learn to wake up in the middle of the night to a whimpering child without getting angry
  
• ...take photos of crayon artwork on the toilet and walls
  

How'd that happen?

It's a good thing I don't have to dress up for work. I arrived at the office this morning sporting Kevin's after-breakfast-snack on my shoulder and a return address label on my stomach. It would've been nicer had I noticed as soon as I got here.

We're preparing Kevin for his first snow by showering him with styrofoam peanuts. 

Cartoon Cuts sell-out

We never thought we'd do it, but we did. We took Kevin to Cartoon Cuts last night and dropped a wad of cash on a haircut. I'll admit that it looks really cute and he did very well, only crying a couple of times. He looked scared, but he handled the situation with bravery. I think the television in front of him helped.

Handbell Choir

A local handbell choir played at our church yesterday morning. I enjoy listening to handbells, but what I really enjoy is playing them. Yesterday I tried to figure out why.

In eighth grade, I was allowed to start playing the flute. Before that, I competed in gymnastics which took up all of my time and cost my parents a fair amount of money. So, once I quit gymnastics, I was allowed to do all of the other things my friends were doing that I never could (softball, soccer, musical instruments, etc.) I’d always wanted to play the flute and I was a quick study to catch up to my peers’ abilities because I wanted it so much.

When a couple of my friends started talking about handbell rehearsal in high school, I didn’t even know what handbells were (I didn’t grow up going to church, which is where it seems that most handbell performances take place. Also, my family isn’t musically inclined and we didn’t gravitate toward anything but popular music on the radio.) I came along to their rehearsal and since I finally knew how to read music, I was able to participate. It was soooo much fun. I was a pretty good sight reader and I played the high notes, sometimes being the one to shake or jingle the bell, which always catches the listeners’ attention.

In the school band, the flute section tends to be large and, for most arrangements, the flutes help to carry the melody of the music. At home, I would play my flute most every day because I enjoyed it so much. I had a few books of popular music and I had my private lesson studies to play. I had a number of duets available, too, but nobody to play with on a regular occasion so I would tape record myself playing one part and then play it back to play the other part live. It was so much fun to try to combine my playing with something more than or bigger than myself. When playing duets, either part is not complete without the other. Such is the case with handbells.

You don’t ever hear of a handbell player giving a performance. You always see and hear handbell choirs. This is because you can’t physically play a handbell song by yourself! The few notes that you’re responsible for in any one song are just a small part of something so much more grand and beautiful, made possible only by the inclusion of so many other bell ringers.

While I always enjoyed playing the flute and piano (when I took a class in college) nothing compares to the feeling I get when watching a handbell choir and remembering how it felt to play my few notes in the midst of everyone else playing their few notes to put together beautiful music that wouldn’t exist without everyone involved.

2 * Introvert + Toddler = The need for silence

Last night Kevin and I went to the mall for a few hours. This was no shopping trip, mind you. I’m not much of a shopper and Kevin’s idea of shopping is touching everything that isn’t his and riding up and down the escalator for half an hour.

Last night’s trip to the mall had the sole purpose of providing Andy some time at home by himself. You see, he and I are both introverts. He’s on the far end of the scale, otherwise known as “Hermithood” and I’m in the middle - not the middle of the whole Introvert/Extrovert scale, but in the middle of the Introvert side. This makes parenting difficult because in order to regroup and reenergize, we basically need to take care of Kevin separately - we rarely play with Kevin together, although we try to. But, we know that it’s best for our souls and therefore our selves as parents to get some time away in order to be better parents when we are in the thick of things.

On Monday, Andy hit the wall. If parenting was a sport, you could say that he bonked (bonking is glucose depletion of the muscles such that the body shuts down and can’t ride/run/whatever until more fuel is processed.) Our weekend calendar is full for the next month, as is usually the case in December, so he felt no hope of refueling on alone-time. I decided he needed at least a short respite before we can schedule a longer one so I took Kevin out for the evening. Andy came home to an empty house and we didn’t break the peace until 7:30.

Grudge Match

I’m an expert at holding grudges. I know it’s not appropriate in most cases (if any) but I can’t seem to shake that ability from my skillset. I had no idea how much this would affect my parenting.

When Kevin does something that really gets under my skin (usually something he does that he knows he shouldn’t do) I get angry. Then I can’t let go of it to be all nice and smiley when he comes back at me with his cheesy grin. He can do all sorts of cute and wonderful things but I can’t get the grudge over what he did a minute or ten ago out of my heart that easily.

This is something I definitely need to work on.